Why "Finding Light In The Darkness" Is So Important, Especially Now!

Dedicated to G.M. “Mike” Corrigan who tracked me down and pressured me for an interview and then became my friend. In honor of his wonderful contribution to our local community with his Friday night, non-partisan supper club.

My friend Mike Corrigan and our local Frederick News Post gave me a priceless gift a few years back. As a gift that just keeps giving, it means more to me today than it did ten years ago when I first received it. The bestowal came in the form of a newspaper headline and a magnificent graphic accompanying an article Mike wrote about me.

The headline read “Finding Light In The Darkness” while the subtitle stated, “Entrepreneur-turned-peace educator spotlights the “dark side” in non-violence training.” It is the graphic presentation of the piece, more than anything that truly wins the day in my mind, tying the words of the entire article together in a stunningly impactful way. When you see the visual appearance you are almost immediately reminded that “a picture is worth a thousand words.”

I am not one to seek publicity, especially of me, personally. You can write and publicize my organization and its many wonderful programs and projects as much as you like, but about me? 

That’s another whole story and a long and complex one at that, having much to do with what I learned from Watergate plus more. The plus is grounded in how, during my eight years on the Washington fast track, I acted out my own dark side until love pulled me out of it!  

The more shows up with what I did with what both the D.C. fast track, in general, and Watergate, in particular, taught me about the Dark Side so I could always be on top of its sabotages rather than allowing it to control me.

Interestingly I am not in a position yet -- regarding this article, published August 6, 2006, to tell you about the many gifts this article gave me. This is also the case presently about my knowing precisely what Watergate taught me. However, none of this has one bit to do with what anyone else thought of that article, then or since. 

I can, at least, share one point, derived from my personal relationship with the article; the visual presentation mirrors back to me a critically important message for me, showing me how I managed to survive eight years of blindness and recovery.  

In a way, that article is, today, almost a living, breathing entity helping me “see” who I truly am at my fullest, publicly announcing that “Anastasia is a woman who finds Light in the darkness.” In a nutshell this is what blindness brought me, as a result of how I chose to manage it.

What a wonderful way to be known! 

(Unfortunately, I do not presently have permission from the Frederick News Post to display the graphic. However, one of my volunteers will soon be working to obtain it.)

Nonetheless, there is, at least, one message of the article for me to pass on to you: transcend the challenges facing you on the earth plane and lift them up to that higher place above, the spiritual, if you want to move through an ordeal, optimally. 

Apply that notion to today's political chaos and what do you get? Some peace of mind in the midst of it all!

That message, in and of itself, becomes a reminder to myself that I carry that capability, “finding Light in the darkness,” as one of my personal attributes. 

You have it too! We all do if we exercise it. In times of crisis we must draw upon it, our spiritual capability, to help us with our physical plane challenges such as are facing our nation today.

For added emphasis here, a New Horizons promotional page for one of my three books in progress, To See Or Not To See And The Art of Transcendent Living: A True Story of Clarity, from an old, outdated web site of ours, spotlights the message I take from the article with slightly different words.

”Anastasia’s story is about seeking clarity with eyes wide open – welcoming “what is” even when it is painful. Scaling one’s personal mountain of darkness and reaching clarity (the summit) brings healing, joy and peace—the Light.”  

Lately, I have begun a serious in depth endeavor to seek a more comprehensive understanding of myself, regarding my ability to “find Light in darkness.” Donald Trump’s election to the White House has prompted this, I believe. And yet the prophecy I had at the time of Watergate also strongly influences this thrust in me. 

How these threads come together at the present moment seems to be that I believe that now is my soul-designed time to give back what I have learned through the journeys of my life, especially in this time of social and political crisis facing American citizens now.  

What it means to “find Light in the darkness – and – guide others to effectively do so seems to be an assignment of mine. “Finding Light in the darkness” is, to my mind, one of the most essential tools an individual can employ to manage today’s circumstances. A heightened perspective, beyond the internet and the daily barrage of media hype of what’s happening now can enable each and every one of us to lift ourselves up and out of the, sometimes frightening, distress of our daily lives.

Noted author, teacher and healer, Carolyn Myss, calls it the "helicopter view" of life. For me that is another way of urging “find the Light” in the darkness every step of your way.

All of this is why "Finding Light In The Darkness Is So Important, Especially Now! 

You can hear a bit more of my story of how I brought myself to learn to do this on my podcast titled, “The Art of Transcendent Living.”

You can do it too.  If you need guidance, I can also be available to assist you.

Contact me at: SuperSleuthDSW@aol.com

Shining A Light On New Horizons Council of Elders

I dreamed a dream, visioned a vision, more than twenty years ago; New Horizons would create our very own special, unique version of a “Council of Elders.” Last night at our final Summer In The Mountains community gathering, we finally did it!

With that as a backdrop as well as the main feature, Sue deVeer, my Spirit Sistah collaborator, and I celebrated the ten year anniversary of our adventure of developing New Horizons Small “Zones of Peace” Project. And our “official” Council of Elders was anointed; Anastasia, Sue and Paul.

Read about our "debut" in 

Making Violence Obsolete Debuts Penultimate Conflict Resolution Process

Oh my, oh my. There have been so many blessings and mini miracles to bring us from there to here. Many intriguing stories to tell!

Where was “there” you might be asking?

It was the “Middle East Crisis In “Our” Backyard” that actually brought us from there to here. And, it was that life changing incident for me that also apparently made a dent in Sue’s life too, launching us on a shared journey. We can always trace back to its beginning but we do not notice any end in sight.

The beginning was a Jewish Muslim controversy in our local town, inspiring Sue and I to -- put our minds and hearts, our gifts and talents, hopes and dreams and the distress each of us was feeling about this situation --together initially, at the prompting of people we both knew.

So…. as we brought our Summer In The Mountains community gatherings to an official close last night, out in the woods at our Beloved fire circle, Paul, Sue’s husband, our official videographer of the event, captured the essence of how profound and powerful was this year’s conclusion.  

The grand finale was of Sue and I lighting our “anniversary” cake which says it all in spirit, pictures and Paul’s words –

“From a single candle into a bonfire!"

Paul should know!  He has suffered through it all with us – and – not always silently! Nonetheless, here we all are! 

I (Anastasia) was the single light that started us off. Then “we, like our tiny “struggle” to get our candles lit, struggled to birth something that only our idealistic passions could envision. Now, “we,” like the passion and burning energy of our new “Making Violence Obsolete” movement are the bonfire, shining brighter and brighter, as we take our place in our local community – and – beyond, in giving our best to “thinking global, acting local.” 

Add to that, twenty years later or so, back from my original dream/vision, New Horizons has grown into even having our very own “Council of Elders,” at last, till death do us part. (You kinda know when your fellow journeyers are lifers!)

We are so blessed and so grateful! And we have only just begun.

Indeed, magic is afoot!  More to come…

Trading In The Costs Of The Quiet For The Riches Of Dialogue

New Radio Show Series Begins Tomorrow!
"Conversations With Anastasia on The Art of Dialogue."

After a lengthy hiatus from my Anastasia The Storyteller Radio Show I am returning, beginning tomorrow morning, with a whole new series of programs.

"Conversations With Anastasia on The Art of Dialogue."

It seems it took me a year of co-designing (always with my dear collaborator, Sue deVeer), organizing, presenting and learning from New Horizons’ Coffee House Conversations, a cornea transplant, the outrageousness of Bill Cosby’s serial sex abuses being disclosed – and – a lifetime of personal and professional work to get me back on the air with this show.

Now here I come!

What I’ve got has helped me fight for my own freedom and dignity – and – WIN to get me to where I am now –

Trading In The Costs Of The Quiet For The Riches Of Dialogue.” 

With all of this as background, expertise and skill development, here I come, now, ready to tell all that I know -- through storytelling, guidance and support on my new series of programs titled "Conversations With Anastasia on The Art of Dialogue." 

In the service of enhancing the collective conversation through storytelling, sharing -- and -- teaching a pointer or two or three on how to move from debate to dialogue, uprooting the resistance to doing so as we go -- let’s do it!

Join me tomorrow morning – or listen in on podcast—as I introduce this new series "Conversations With Anastasia on The Art of Dialogue" on --

Trading In The Costs Of The Quiet For The Riches Of Dialogue

Monday, February 8

11:30 a.m.

Joining me for this show – and – likely to be my new radio show sidekick – will be Kim Beckett, wife and mother, horse lover and wise woman in her own right. Kim will assist me in developing tomorrow’s topic, “Trading In The Costs Of The Quiet For The Riches Of Dialogue” and introducing our new, forthcoming series, "Conversations With Anastasia on The Art of Dialogue" 

Look for future programs to have invited guests as well as a Coffee House Conversation by Conference Call portion, following the on-air broadcast, where guests can hang out, informally, for "Conversations with Anastasia On The Art Of Dialogue."

I’m Getting My Mojo!

Or is that Marjah? 

OMG, look what’s happening now! 

Now that I’ve made my pledge to myself to do all that I could, should or would by “naming” what I see and speaking truth to power, if I need, I think I might almost be in danger of behaving like an unbroken, bucking bronco, fresh out of the gate. 

OMG! My actions almost bordered on chaos-creating the other night.

To introduce the story,  it goes a little like this – 

It certainly seemed like I might be a chaos-creator the other night; a part of the problem, not the solution although I hadn’t consciously intended it to be that way.  

But my oh my, when we get into “naming” and speaking truth, almost anything can happen. 

 And this time it did! OMG.

The scene presented itself a few nights ago at a Martin Luther King Commemorative Dinner where I was so direct and forceful in my message delivery that I even had myself a bit worried.  

As it turned out the outcome appears to be almost magical, at least so far.

Dontch’a want to hear about it!  

Aren’t you even a little bit curious to find out how Anastasia walked her walk and ended up almost in a pile of s..t. On the other hand it just might  be the start of a wonderful transformation for all involved, even for a whole community, if....... 

We will just have to see how the next steps play out in the days, weeks and months ahead.

For starters, I’ll be talking about that scene on my –

Possible Society In Motion Radio Show tonight. 

Beyond Rhetoric: 

The Challenge of Creating Sustainable Communities

And, most likely, again, in my new series of programs, “Conversations With Anastasia On The Art of Dialogue,” on my –

Anastasia The Storyteller Radio Show 

Trading In The Costs of The Quiet 

For The Riches of Dialogue

Monday, February 8 

11:30 a.m.
(Changes made due to monster snow storm amd clean up.)

I hope you can join us, Jack and myself on the Possible Society In Motion Radio Show, and my new on-air associate, Kim Beckett, for Anastasia The Storyteller.

Both shows are also available on podcast and each has a conference call forum that follows.

From Fear To Faith In The New Year

The motion of moving from New Year’s Eve into New Year’s Day can bring magical clarity when I, as executive director, open my eyes to possibilities and New Horizons Board Members share the transition.  

Thus it came to be that the birth of 2016 shared by board members, Sue deVeer, and Anastasia brought into being a long-held New Horizons plan; New Horizons’ Council of Elders, along with me, personally, turning my fears into faith.

That ball drop in Times Square, even online, can have that effect!

We could easily anticipate board member Lisa Boyer voting “yes” for this plan that has been being discussed for years. And a quick call on New Year’s Day to Kebzeh mentor, Joan McIntrye, immediately confirmed that we would be supported in this endeavor's unfolding by the guidance of our community development advisors and Elders in British Columbia who are carrying forth Murat Yagan’s beautiful work that has been shaping New Horizons "exceptional communisty model's evolution for close to twenty years now.

Murat's message is conveying, worldwide, how we, ordinary people, can reach a universal state of awe, if we keep striving for it. New Horizons has been one of the beneficiaries of these teachings.

Stonehenge

So the New Horizons Board of Directors now, with joy and confidence, proudly announces ---

New Horizons Council Of Elders To Debut in 2016!

Be alert, however, this does not herald any quick fixes for long-held, deeply entrenched community problems. Rather a new entity, New Horizons' Council of Elders, will now begin to organize, take applications for membership and lay out strategies for implementation on the local level of Frederick County, Maryland where we are immersed, day-by-day, in doing our part to create a model “exceptional community.”

We know this local area to abound in wise people who have the determination and know how, or at least willingness to learn, how to work consensually together to address local civic problems.  

With our new Council of Elders supported by the wisdom and input of our advisors in British Columbia, we are putting our hopes and faith into Frederick County, with prayers that this will be only a next step in achieving our dreams, which in truth go far beyond this locale.

Look for details as they unfold.

Reflections On Being A Part of The Problem or A Part of The Solution

I ended 2014 with a commitment to being a part of the solution in 2015, regarding the intensifying race, police and community relations problems such as had just recently, then, escalated, in Ferguson, Missouri and New York City.   I knew that my organization, New Horizons, and myself had the expertise to help in some ways so certainly we should.

Looking back on that time, now, I can see that the community successes that built for New Horizons and myself out of that intent must have had a lot to do with my motivation seeming to be of Divine guidance, infused with love as well as practicality. 

You can almost always trust Source to get you where you should be if your motives are pure.

Now here it is again, New Year’s Eve, and I am, as usual, drawn to taking one of those periodic personal inventories that help make the cycles of my life so profoundly meaningful and beautiful.

So what do I see, especially at this point in time when eye surgery has made the very ordinary, though not so ordinary act of “seeing” so profound for me?

I think the article I just posted on the  “Year End Assessment” of New Horizons Coffee House Conversations Project sums up where I stand today, professionally, especially the latter parts where I summarize the work yet to be done in the days ahead, if true social change is to be achieved.

But that doesn’t say anything much about what all this means to me, personally. Or what that which I laid out there indicates about my personal commitments for the year ahead.  

2016 promises to be a big one for me; in some ways that I can imagine and in other ways completely unimaginable. And, then, of course, who can truly read the future? Not I for sure. Yet we do have some inklings about what lies ahead, if we are wise, born of experience, and if we trust our intuition and instincts.

What I imagine lying ahead for me, personally, and for which I feel trepidation though I know I will lean into it rather than my old way of pulling back from the adventure – is – that I will more and more pick up my old ways of being “Game Master of the Truth or Dare Game.” But do that in very new ways; most particularly in mainstream community life.

The challenge for me is enormous. Speaking truth to power is the emblem of our "Game". But doing this in a protected, counterculture, therapeutic community such as "old" New Horizons had established was so much easier. At least there the rules for proceeding were agreed upon and abided by everyone or else you lost your membership.

The mainstream, on the other hand, can be so much more vicious. There are almost no agreed upon practices or ground rules for effectively dealing with the "subtle violence" that proliferates in epidemic proportions, day-to-day, out of the discounting, denial and lies of our culutre. A total free-for-all exists and it can be emotionally, psychologically -- and -- even physically deadly such as driving teens to suicide from tauntings and hurtful internet exposures. 

Subtle violence is far from subtle, especially when you are the target!

Being judged by others for speaking truth to power – and – then punished by ostracism, for example, is also a high cost that I, like most others, experience from time to time. It hurts, no matter how adept you become at managing the assaults. And, I have not yet developed a tough enough skin to be able to always respond with grace to such hurtfulness while both holding my ground with respect for who I know me to be as I, also, lean in to others, seeking common ground.

That is if the others would have the courage and commitment to seek common ground with me rather than polarize, separate and retaliate for hurts they might feel at my hands but not yet have the skill and experience that I (and New Horizons) do to heal such woundings.

Oh dear, the conflict potential is so painful and scary; so scary for me I almost want to run for cover, especially as so few truly know, through experience, the snags to synergy way, the pathway to awe.

But I’m gonna do it anyway; speak truth to power, keep reaching for dialogue over debate, stay focused on learning rather than defending and head for awe  -- even if it gets me in trouble and hurts on the way (and I do it imperfectly)!

I Felt The Hand Of G-d

And, now, three days later I have already begun to see out of my blind eye; the one that had the cornea with its final demise in 2011.

This actually did happen on Thursday afternoon at Johns Hopkins when my ophthalmologist, Dr. John Gottsch, assisted by his Fellow, Dr. Katelyn Earls, and a wonderful surgical team replaced my damaged cornea with a fresh new one. I was awake for it all and I feel quite certain of what I felt and saw though I am not sure everyone would agree that they, too, saw what I saw.

Oh well!

Now I am posing a new, next challenge to myself for my unfolding adventure of living my life; discovering how I can carry forth and live this blessing I experienced on the operating table, every day, all day, everywhere?

I don’t know yet how to do this. But the marvel is that I can already see the fingers of my hand moving and colors and doorways; still hazy but obviously present.  

OMG!

At the time of my last cornea transplant, April 2002, which was number six and all those before it, the healing and the aftermath were excruciating and tiring. I felt horrible pain and do not remember regaining vision for as long as one year.

But today, only seventy-two hours after surgery I feel great, no pain and remarkable sight for this distance. I feel superb and I am blessed for certain.

Now I must learn some new ways of "seeing" in the world, especially my little corner in it.

Thank you everyone for your kind support.

The Force In You (And I) Is….. Beautiful

The Humpty Dumpty in me had a great fall; I lost my eyesight and would not regain it for a very long time. It was, indeed, quite a tumble that took eight long, arduous years until it could be surmounted. A death-defying struggle ensued in the meantime.

A whole series of tragedies had plagued me since late childhood. Always I had been able to surmount them with my determination, creativity and hard work. But physical blindness was something else. It had no options; no re-routing alternatives. I was stuck and I knew it. The Humpty Dumpty in me had been broken.

Whether or not I was cracked beyond repair was yet to be discovered. But early on it became apparent that there would be no King’s men that I could even hope would try to put me back together again. The task would be mine – and – mine alone to tackle.

The saga of my threatened blindness has been a part of my personal story since I was a junior in college at Ohio State. Then it had been a threat, supposedly imminent in the months ahead; a devastating prediction for a college junior.

The day I finally did lose my eyesight turned out to be many years later, howver. But I had been expecting it. How could I not, once diagnosed and confirmed. Thus, at once when it arrived, I knew it for what it was. What I didn’t know was when, if ever, my blindness could be healed.

As it turned out it took seven eye surgeries and an inordinate emotional-spiritual battle to fight off the psychological demons my blindness brought with it. In order for me to survive the ordeal, I would need to fight these demons along with my physical challenges. Blindness and my recovery from blindness (1998 – 2006) had lifted the lid on the Pandora’s box in me.

On this, the fifth anniversary of this blog site’s presence, I am reflecting on how it is that I have gotten from there; extended blindness and its repercussions, to here, on the threshold of a dream.

This site was set up as a platform from which I could tell stories, especially the ones behind what was to become, concurrent with my personal recovery from blindness, the unfolding story behind the New Horizons' Small “Zones of Peace” Project and how it reflects my journey from blindness to recovery.

As a first, superficial note I might say that what has brought me here today was the same formula as of old; determination, creativity and hard work. But that would only be the “front story” at best, if that.  The real deal story, the one behind the scenes that has been the blood, sweat and tears of the front story, is far more profound than that.  Above and beyond that, as it applies to me, it is a story, one women’s story – mine, of how the Force in all its pristine glory can work on our behalf. 

(It can also be the Force of our destruction. And I hope to help you understand how this operates in you – and – how you can choose to harness its vast reservoir of personal power on your own behalf.)

So mine is not simply a story of faith although you might be inclined to take it as that.

It is far more than that!

It is instead the story of how “the mysterious capability of the personality’s most powerful biological influence – the survival instinct as a dynamic mechanism – helps the individual to either reach the highest levels of consciousness, health, compassion and spirituality or to self-destruct.” This is what I call the Force.

I will write more of the beauty of the Force over this coming holiday weekend as I celebrate the adventure of my writing this blog – and – once again how grateful I am to be able to see, once again, and all the gifts sight, spiritually and physically, bestows upon me.

In the meantime, visit my Exploring Your Dark Side: The Adventure Of A Lifetime blog site to read of some of the basics on how I know the Force to work, for good or for evil.

Love Is The Answer

Introducing my Journey Back To Me, Book Two of Anastasia’s Random House Trilogy

I had a wonderful experience last night. It gave me a way in to the topic, “Discovering What Really Matters,” that I introduced in the article of that same name. “Discovering what really matters” is the pathway out of the Survivor/Addict lifestyle  that I am taking great pains to guide you to take through this blog site and my new blog site, “Exploring Your Dark Side:The Adventure Of A Lifetime”

Today I am so “excited,” which for me is always a bit over the top of a true, healthy happiness as Murat would want for each of us.  In other words “excitement,” in my vernacular, means having a slight bit (quite manageable for me) of a survivor/addict relapse. 

Anastasia, circa 1966 as
Marcia E. Rosen,
Survivor/Addict

But nothing too serious in the whole scheme of things.

Nonetheless, last night was the first occasion I have had – ever – to discuss my three Random House Books that I call my “Random House Trilogy” as the one set or series of books that they are, chronicling the incredible personal and professional journey that came of my years with Marty Groder.

Imagine that! The “why” is quite a story all on its own for another time.

My newest blog site, “Exploring Your Dark Side: TheAdventure Of A Lifetime,” has as its intention to only present Books One and Three of the series; Book One, originally titled Surviving Addictions, revised as Surviving Adrenalin Addictions and Book Three, Exploring Your Dark Side: The Adventure Of A Lifetime.

Book Two: Journey Back To Me, has hardly ever been mentioned so far. My design has been to incorporate that one into this blog site, somehow or other. But I had not yet, to date, seen how to do that. Last night, however, may have been a game changer in this regard because --

… last night at the Psychology Club I crossed over the doorwayto that intent. Once through, lo and behold, Journey Back To Me came alive for me as it has not been since the time I put it aside, twenty years ago.

Recall that on “Exploring Your Dark Side,” the blog site, I have said that there are many doorways to personal transformation. For me the practice and discipline my writing demands of me incorporates several of these, at least. And, a speaking engagement such as I did last night can bring the other remaining portals into play, provided one knows how to allow/enable that to occur.

So BINGO! One more deliciously transformative moment!

The situation of my crossing over last night was this.

I had been invited to address the Psychology Club at nearby Hood College in Frederick, Maryland; partially as a simple speaking engagement and partly in preparation for the club’s sponsorship of a forthcoming, campus-based Coffee House Conversation On Race Relations.

The college campus version of New Horizons’ flourishing Coffee House Conversations On Race Relations initiative is just one sign of the momentum building for New Horizons around this effort. In and of itself this new aspect of the over-all project mission holds exciting prospects for New Horizons.

It will allow us to, not only serve a local community as we are now doing in Frederick County, Maryland, but to expand our contributions to the reconciliation of present social problems, namely race and police relations, above and beyond our wildest imaginings. We are now situated, due to our originally conceived effort, Coffee House Conversations On Race Relations in local communities, to play an active part in aiding the healing of major and necessary social change in the United States.

Now our developing Coffee House Conversations at Hood College will take us into campus concerns at a most fortuitous time.  One need only read current news reports to recognize this; racist chants and fraternity scenes of rape spotlight some of the most serious.

So, beginning now I am trying to integrate the experience I had last night with the Hood College Psych Club. Hallelujah!

But I am, this minute, as I write this, so very excited about all kinds of related happenings I cannot stay on point. The problem, therefore, is that I am unable at this moment to keep myself on track to tell you about these. I can barely keep myself from getting off track trying to tell you about one single thing, my speaking engagement of last evening at Hood College.

Well, with that said and done, maybe, truth be told, I can’t just stick to that one subject today.  So my product here can simply be only to tell about my process.

Oh well! There is just too much happening right now that is exciting and wonderful for me to hold onto one focused path! 

I guess I will just have to come back later to tell you more. As it turns out, one of the most delightful new friends that I’ve made recently, Herman King, is about to bring about another incredible experience for me later this afternoon.

I will not be able to get ready for that one ahead if I write more about what was already.

Oh dear! Oh dear!

However, when I can get to it, in a day or two or so, I will do my best to write of all of this as best I can of what is happening here!

These days our joys and our sorrows can so easily be shared and matter for many through online communication. But for now the sunshine and fresh air, the abundance of bird song as mating season takes hold beckon me outdoors and I am off for that daily mountain road walk I’ve been missing these past months.

In the meantime, let me leave you with this, my talk last night, clarified by feedback I received at the Psych Club, underscored for me, multiple times, that whatever else I wish to impart to you, my readers, at the base the healing of our wounds and troubles, personally, societally and politically have “love” as the most profound answer at the foundation of it all.

I look forward to sharing my views on this one as soon as I can.

In The Center Of Our Deepest Pain

In the very center of our deepest pain lives a warrior part of each of us. Anastasia, Exploring Your Dark Side: The Adventure Of A Lifetime

To lose sight of this pain is to fight a battle without deep meaning; to be aimless, losing oneself  in the fight without truly paying attention to its more authentic significance.

I offer my own story as an example. I share some of it here in a systematic way by extracting a few sentences at a time from  my account of “Meeting Groder” as presented on the Exploring Your Dark Side: The Adventure Of A Lifetime blog site.

If you are willing to look closely at my story and put it up against your own, you will see how similar we are when one gets to the core of things.

  

I begin my story about meeting Marty (Martin G. Groder, M.D.) and being drawn to him as having something to do with his being: 1. A former prison psychiatrist; 2. Someone who could teach me about surviving/survivors and addictions; and 3. Someone who could help me understand Nixon’s role in Watergate.

I go on to say I had had two marriages that I had already left, at the time of our meeting, experiencing each as a prison. I also suggest that I was in the process of leaving a third because it, too, had failed me.

Although I describe myself as "needing" to leave these relationships to get away from continued victimization, is there not something strange to you about my “needing” to do this three times?

Was there not something of a deeper nature going on here?

Truth be told I did marry two abusive men. Both in my twenties. The first was sexually abusive. The second was an alcholic/rageaholic. Okay, so there’s good justification for getting away from that kind of behavior.

But doesn’t something seem off to, again, be carrying out this pattern of leaving a third time?

Could it not be possible that leaving, for me,  had become a survivor/addict response/inner warrior fighting back mode by “fleeing” as a way of solving a relationship problems, other than directly fighting, straight up or, better still, actually leaning in to solve my people problems with the best of me?  Not the worst?

(The Groder-Rosen Addiction Development (GRAD) definition of an addiction is any behavior, attitude, feeling state or body response that has become habituated – and – serves as a substitute for the pain of unmet needs, originating primarily with the mother-child relationship.)

That, as it turned out, was the case. Unfortunately, I was to discover this survivor/addict pattern in me too many years after I had created a good bit of damage for a lot of people, including my two children, and it was far too late to remedy the hurt I had caused.  OMG!

There was the center of my “deepest pain,” the Inner Warrior in Dark Side drag, a fighter all the way by fleeing, started long ago by trying to avoid my mother’s abuse.

Unfortunately, husband number three who was a true and good prince charming was already deceased by the time I realized what the convict part of me had done, how and why.  So I never got to even say “sorry.”

But at least, by then I had come to understand the answers to my query about Nixon and the Watergate break in and its ensuing scandal. 

And, had come to realize that Nixon had been a stand in for me for the crazy mother in my head. The rest of the Watergate players representing the dysfunctional family I had grown up in who had colluded with her to abuse me.

Small comfort, right?

Check out my “Do You Have A Survivor/Addict Personality?” inventory and see if this brief piece of me, shared, can begin to aid your understanding of how this Dark Side/survivor/addict/inner convict operates in you.  And throughout our society and politics.

It’s the same game; convicts, exalted leaders, celebrities or just plain ordinary people like you and I.  Check out Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus and Lindsey Lohan as other examples.

See how the game I am addressing here plays out there.

(Well, maybe Cosby’s or Bieber’s mother didn’t abuse them but something else like overindulgence can also set the survivor/addict pattern in motion too. We will get to this variation of root causes later.)

For now, remember that at the time I began my journey my score on this inventory would have topped 125, the highest possible score.

I was a bonafide survivor/addict, active Dark Side/inner convict inside!

I looked so good and could, as I was later told, “nice people to death! That’s the Passive Survivor/Addict, nice girl type I was, dressed up especially in the winning bare ass ways of today. 

For fun, you might also try taking the Survivor/Addict inventory for one or more of your favorite or famous people. This will help you discern how the survivor/addict is running our society and politics.

Try it out on a terrorist, if you’re bored. You’ll soon be getting my drift, if you stick with it.

Remembering Yourself As Yunus

A treasured and beautiful story translated by our Beloved Murat Yagan is offered here to welcome in the New Year and in Remembrance of Murat.

Murat, known worldwide as a prominent Elder of the Abkhazian diaspora and the ancient spiritual traditions of the Caucasus Mountains known as Kebzeh, was the Beloved community development mentor of New Horizons and my (Anastasia’s) spiritual mentor. Murat passed away in December, 2013, leaving all those who loved him and learned from him a rich teaching to follow for our personal and collective transformation.

Excerpted from “I wrapped myself in flesh and bones and I appeared as Yunus,” translated  by Murat Yagan.

About Yunus

“Yunus Emre was the Minstrel of Sufism. A simple man with the vocabulary of a shepherd he lived at the turn of the 13^th century in what is now central Turkey. Like the English poet Chaucer, he was the first to express himself in the common language of his people. 

Today he is equally appreciated and honoured by scholars and academics. Yunus Emre’s songs are still sung, beloved for the simplicity and clarity with which they reveal the experience of the human heart.”

The two tales that follow are from Murat’s translations of Yunus Emre. They are presented here by special permission of KebzehPublications from whom Murat's books may be purchased. The third tale introduced here is included in these.

OMG!!

It just keeps getting better and better – for me – day-by-day. Since my new blog site is up and running. Not totally smoothly but coming along.

See my thoughts for today at --

Exploring Your Dark Side: The Adventure Of A Lifetime

The theme is based on a favorite quote of mine from the song, “The Rose.”  What a back story goes with those one. I will tell it to you someday. But not when it’s time to celebrate the holiday season.

Best wishes for the holiday season.

Anastasia