Friday, February 16, 2018

Ethics Complaint Update: Lines Of Communication Are Opening

Lines of communication are opening, with dialogue being established between the International Transactional Analysis Association (ITAA) and myself!

What a turn of events, just when I had almost totally relinquished hope!

Still, even with progress being made, it’s been a bit taxing on my end, this past week, as I sat down to move more deeply into filing my formal Ethics Complaint for sexual harassment and power abuse, with my singularly, most important professional association, the International Transactional Analysis Association.

At this point, much to my delight, I do believe, however, that officials of the ITAA, represented by the current international president, are intending to work with me in such a way as to find doable options for managing the healing I need from making the Ethics Complaint I set out to file, the reconciliation needed and the amends due from the sordid situation.

In other words, a positive outcome is looking more and more assured!

Wouldn’t that be nice in this day and age of horrendous misdeeds and negligent, even criminal mishandling of situations of this nature?

I would be so proud of my organization, ITAA, should this all pan out!  And, myself, too!

My complaint, as you may recall, will be regarding my being sexually harassed by a trainer/supervisor,  as well as being severely victimized as the revenge consequences of my rebuff of the aggressor. The result of that horrific episode, in addition to the emotional distress, is that it resulted in major disruption and harm to my professional credentials and revenue.

From where I sit now, it is difficult to know whether the actual sexual harassment was the most distressing or the punishment it garnered.

Nonetheless, today, rather than upset as I was a few weeks back, I am now beginning to feel hopeful that a resolve will be achieved, along with the caring, concern and respect due me.

Right now, I am just trying to come to terms, for myself, with what this whole episode; the finding of the buried documents, opening my mind to what actually happened originally, how and why I suppressed it all for so long, even concealing it from myself, let alone from others, means for me.

Then the initial, informal complaint making back in December, the being ignored for so long, relative to the seriousness of the situation and now experiencing the door opening to resolve and feeling an important new chapter of my life unfolding.

This article has a decent synopsis of what my charges are about, including the ones about my not being responded to by the Ethics Committee.

Oh my! Oh my! I can barely keep up with myself.

I will provide further details and updates as I get myself sorted out.

Sunday, February 11, 2018

Ethics Complaint: Formal Process Now In Motion!

Wouldn’t it be lovely if....?

If there would be a happy ending to this saga?

If you, my supporters and readers, would have opportunity to hear about a sexual harassment/abuse ethics complaint being handled with caring and respect, even with a few bumps in the road?

Copy of text, this morning, to my close inner circle of supporters.
Have now received and downloaded "formal ITAA Ethics Complaint form and have begun organizing for response.
The process of completing the form might take as long as a month or better. 
Am now on my way, heading for whatever "gold" lies ahead. 
I am almost overjoyed! And relieved! 
Liberation lies ahead!
Thank you for your kind and generous support. 
Please keep it coming. Long road ahead with hopefully a happy ending.
Happy day, Anastasia

Friday, February 9, 2018

A Tale Of Two Sexual Harassers/Abusers

Twenty-five years ago I was being abused/harassed in sexually-related situations by two men, concurrently.

In 1996 I married one of these men! I am with him still today, more or less.

And, now, I have a professional ethics complaint pending, regarding the other.

How could that possibly come about? 

This is the story I am going to share on March 24 at the forthcoming –

New Horizons “Beyond Gender Tyranny” Forum

My story has much to teach about the “what to do” and the “what not to do” in gender relationships!

Please join me for this event that promises to be enlightening and possibly uplifting, with a hint of how men and women in today’s gender-upheaval world might begin building bridges across whatever might separate them.

Mending the broken fences of male-female relationships. 
Building bridges of compassion and understanding.

A Consciousness Raising Forum For Overcoming Today’s Gender Polarization

Date: Saturday, March 24      1:00 to 5:00 p.m.

Reserve early! 

Donations are encouraged, suggested amount: $20. 
(No one excluded due to monetary limitations.)

For Details and Reservations, Contact: Anastasia Rosen-Jones
Email: Cell: 240.409.5347

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Ethics Complaint: My Heavy Lifting Seems To Be Paying Off


After close to a month, combining with my eye crisis --- and – the heavy lifting that arose out of my finding the documents, prompting me to make an ethics complaint, regarding sexual harassment by a former trainer and supervisor of mine – and – being mind-bogglingly snubbed by the Ethics Committee Co-Chairs of the International Transactional Analysis Association (ITAA), once the process got started – you better believe this has been a time of “heavy lifting!”

But lo and behold, at long last, I have, now, had an “official” response!

From no less than the President of the International Transactional Analysis Association, with her opening the doors to me for creative solutions to the situation that has presented itself!
Anastasia, Goddess
of Heavy Lifting

How this has come about appears to be about the “High Road” I chose to follow, regarding the situation from my end, in the face of my being disregarded.

I do not yet know this for sure; how my actions finally invited acknowledgment. But, for certain, as an old quote I once heard, suggested –
The goddess is alive and magic is afoot.
I believe in the “Goddess” and I believe in magic.

So suffice it to say, at this point, I am very much in need of time and space to: 
  1. Sort out the options suggested for resolving the sordid, sexual harassment experience I had – and the price I paid -- ala the Harvey Weinstein/Hollywood sexual harassment scandals;
  2. Write a proper response back to the ITAA President, acknowledging the suggestions she has put forward; a whole other “heavy lifting project for me, or so it seems today; and finally -- maybe;
  3. Sort out how the Goddess in me is to think and feel with these new circumstances presented.
In this latter item, I see that an entire new stage of living is now attainable for me that I have no idea, yet, how to even begin to embrace.

However of one thing, I am certain, fierceness is not enough

At least not for the kind of Goddess I am; truly a Compassionate Warrior above all!

More to come.


And in time, I hope to be able to tell you how and why!

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Winner Survivors Are Compassionate Warriors

For a more complete discussion on Compassionate Warriors (Winner Survivors) and their antithesis, Dark Side Warriors (Loser Survivors), visit my Exploring Your Dark Side: The Adventure Of A Lifetime site.

I am remembering this morning how it was that I discovered the wisdom of these words of Viktor Frankl --
“Love is the ultimate and highest goal to which man can aspire.”
Kyle Stephens. 
In my story titled, “Discovering What Really Matters,” I share what is at the core of, perhaps, my greatest sorrow; I did not know, as a young mother, how to respect, nurture and show my love for one of my two most precious treasures, my daughter, Elisa. It took me decades of difficult, conscientious effort to learn what I did not know that so deeply wounded that child of mine.

How very much I wish I could do it over again. But the opportunity is passed.

I see the many times I hurt and betrayed my daughter -- in the poignant, painful reality of Larry Nassar’s abuse of innocent young girls, the same lack of resonance, as the Beloved, by the formerly unsullied girls that were his “patients.” 

Larry Nassar is evil! I was not evil. I was damaged by the emotional torture I experienced at the hands of a mentally ill mother.

Nonetheless, when love is betrayed, especially that of an innocent child, the wound goes far deeper than any other.

Perhaps, beyond the sexual violations experienced by Nassar’s victims and the dominance and control imposed upon them by Nassar, USA Gymnastics, the neglect and dismissal of the University of Michigan and the many coaches and other staff that ignored these girls – the greatest misdeed is how Larry Nassar traded in the currency of love; the love these girls, almost unanimously, had for him. 

I wish Larry Nassar the heartache that, hopefully, will come someday to him, if and when he begins to recognize his betrayal of the pure love of children. That kind of heartache comes to each and everyone of us who learns, at the deepest levels, from our errors. I wish him this lesson.

Larry Nassar is so evil, right now, he is not even in the real game of life.

Alongside him, Donald Trump and Harvey Weinstein, to name a few of those most in the spotlight, are embodiments of the Dark Side Warrior; the warrior-type who does not only does not know how to truly love, but even to care.

Joseph Campbell, mentor of George Lucas, creator of Star Wars, commenting on Darth Vadar, described Vadar as an “unformed man.”

No man (or woman) who would impose himself/herself on an innocent has his/her humanness developed and intact. For, as Frankl suggests, with love being the “ultimate and highest goal to which man can aspire,” only an unformed human can be the carrier of such depravities. 

On the other side of the coin, our beautiful athletes, many carrying the banner of the U.S. Olympic Team, model for us that which is the essence of the Compassionate Warrior; a determination to fight for what is right, backed by the pain of wounded love.

Warrior energies and actions, grounded in love are the opposite of warrior ways based on anything else! This is how the thrust for power, money, status, lust and so forth are bred!

Monday, January 29, 2018

Winner Survivor/Warrior Lessons

Heavy lifting is with me this morning as I wake up to an overcast day. The grey skies outside my window reflect the density I feel inside myself.

Alongside this I am reminded of these words of Helen Keller --
“One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.”
In my density I am inching along. Yet I am a person who is never content to merely crawl through my life. I feel at my best when I feel as if I am aloft, like in a hot air balloon, soaring above tree tops and mountains and rivers; high, high up.

I feel myself struggling to raise myself up this morning, to free myself to be airborne, to take flight in spirit, at least, while I remain grounded here on earth, managing the demands and details of situations that seem beyond my limited powers.
The Winner Survivor Paradigm

As I step back from the struggle, I recognize this as the work of alchemy; the turning of the lead of me into the gold I can be.

I am striving for my own Olympic Gold medal for living my life at its best.

But how do I reach this pinnacle today? If I can get up high enough,I can see farther and wider than I am able to do now. 

Soaring as I yearn to do allows me to create visions in my mind that transcend petty grievances. But how am I to achieve this now? For myself? With others?

I feel bound, intermittently, by a compulsion to check email in hopes I will discover the ITAA Ethics Co-Chairs have concluded what I have been teaching for eons; lean in, lean in. 

This is the way up and beyond our trivialities.

So, what is mine to do here, I next ask myself?  If soaring is what I am after?

What is mine to do when it seems as if there is nothing for me to do here at all; here being the moving forward to the freedom of lifting the burden of an untold secret I have harbored for decades, by giving voice to the burden and telling my story.

I am after the Gold in this situation. But how do I get from here to there, I ask myself?

Reaching for wisdom beyond my own, my mind is soon drawn to the words of Viktor Frankl, noted psychiatrist and survivor of Holocaust death camps.
 “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” 
This notion gets something moving inside of me; with the ITAA Ethics Committee I am, apparently, unable to have any effect. My best intentionned words seem to fall on deaf ears.

So how exactly do I do this here; change me to achieve a positive outcome? 


I’ve got it!

I remember my Winner Survivor’s Paradigm

There it is; my TripTik out of this heavy lifting to the lightening of my load!


I will follow my own advice. Not be attached to outcomes.

Take a cue from my heroines, the athlete victim/survivors of Larry Nassar, do the right things for me to do as they have modeled. That's what it means to be a “Winner Survivor Warrior.” 

Yet, I must not go beyond what is not mine to do.

And, just as there is a discipline required of gymnasts for succeeding at their objectives that is essential, especially under pressure, I, too, have a discipline for my success objectives; focus is one of the main ways in either situation.

For my focus, I now turn to my Winner Survivor Paradigm for a map to help me move forward on this chapter of the life journey I am on. 

“Just for today,” as they say in AA, I will allow my Winner Survivor Paradigm to guide me on my way.

Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, what then?

I might know how to soar from lessons learned today. Or, I might not. Still I will have my map and know, once again, at least, how to start.

Friday, January 26, 2018

Ethics Complaint: Two Weeks Later. Am I Being Ignored?

February 17, 2018

Note: The complete letter I sent to ITAA officials, referred to in this article, is now added today at the end of this piece.

Today marks two weeks, plus one day, since I responded, by email, to the Ethics Committee of the International Transactional Analysis Association (ITAA), the professional credentialing association to which I made my ethics complaint.

I am feeling disheartened.

Our exchanges to date include the following ..

January 9, 2018

Email post forwarded to me from ITAA Ethics Co-Chairs via San Francisco-based official of my initial contact.
Please tell the person to email us both directly BEFORE sending ANYTHING anywhere. This is primarily because before we receive or send details of potential complaints, we need to explain about needing assurances that any electronic correspondence will be treated with the utmost confidentially. Once we have a clear contract about this we will advise the person about the formal procedures to be followed.
My response
Thank you for getting this information to me. 
Before I respond to this request, however, on how to proceed, please tell me who these people are. I have built up a degree of trust and safety with you as a result of how you have been so caring of me and supportive. 
I am feeling very vulnerable regarding my Ethics complaint. It has taken a good bit of emotional fortitude for me to face what this is all about for me and to get all the pieces together for my documentation. They are all parts of my heart and soul as well as my many decades of professional training and experience. 
Now you are forwarding this to me from  totally unknown people. Additionally they are men. So I do not feel safe to just up and email them, especially about an issue having to so with male dominance and harm to me. 
Even their request to you of what I should do next felt only lawyerly. Not one iota of care for the person who is me and almost adversarial; not at all what I NEED to do my part here. 
All of a sudden, with this request\missive I feel my heart and soul and all I hold dear to be treated coldly like I am object. I am not able to proceed in this manner. 
Please advise me, from your heart and soul as a woman along with your innate practicality and wisdom. 
Right now I am feeling a bit like a rape victim that needs to "state her case" to a panel of police officers and judges, all male. 
With gratitude,
No more was heard from these officials other than “J” assuring me that they were fine men and that it was, now appropriate for her to “get out of the loop.”

Feeling blocked in my efforts to pursue my ethics complaint, I consulted my lawyer for guidance, informing “J” of my intent.  On my end I am hoping that, even in this day and age of digitized everything there might be some small space for more of a touch of human connection here, especially in a delicate situation as this one.

Looking for options and win-win solutions, on January 11, I emailed the following, copied to the two ITAA Ethics Co-Chairs. (Complete text of my letter to follow, added on February 17. Scroll down to end of this article)

I did consult with my lawyer as I indicated I would. The advice I received has led me to suggest that since I am not readily able to comply, as I will explain below, to the direct request made by the ITAA Ethics Co-Chairs, a reasonable counter suggestion might be agreeable and allow us to move forward on the matter at hand. I do hope this will be so!
"J" acknowledged receipt of this missive. Nothing was heard from the ITAA Ethics Co-Chairs.

What is going on here?

I am asking an official ethics committee of a mental health-based organization to allow me to tell my story of sexual harassment by one of their top, long term credentialed therapists and trainers who retaliated against me for rebuffing him. I seek truth and reconciliation regarding the issue. 

I enter the situation, anticipating caring, compassion, support and guidance to manage a long-buried occurrence of harassment, believing that this organization, the International Transactional Analysis Association, based on the I'm O.K., You're O.K. principles of TA architect, Eric Berne, M.D. must truly be one of the most amenable associations for that win-win way of interacting to be our outcome. 

I have built my life and relationship principles and practices on these.

Might I be mistaken?

From the Ethics Committee I receive none of this, so far. Rather, what I receive feels adversarial. What to do? What to do?

Am I being rebuffed? 

In the value system upon which I base my life, the notion that telling one’s story is an act of healing is included. And, is often the first important step in the process of truth and reconciliation.

Listening to such stories is an act of love, I believe.  After a decades long career based on these principles, I don't know how to think differently, nor do I wish to, even in this age of the internet.

What is going on here? 

Is my story to be disrespected/disregarded?

Am I worth that little? And, my well being, as well?

In the meantime, feeling disoriented by these occurrences added to the overwhelm of my recent surgery, I pledged to myself that I would lighten my load by not being attached to any particular outcome from these actions of mine.  It is important, at least for another week or so, that I limit my heavy liftingInstead, do my best to maintain serenity while I stay true to the values I cherish most.

I am including in this "no heavy lifting" practice, allowing myself to be easy about this ethics issue that is STRESSING ME OUT! 

In this I am challenged.

More to come.

February 17, below added.

CC. ...
Re: Ethics Complaint
Date: January 11, 2018

Dear J et al,

I did consult with my lawyer as I indicated I would. The advice I received has led me to suggest that since I am not readily able to comply, as I will explain below, to the direct request made by the ITAA Ethics Co-Chairs, a reasonable counter suggestion might be agreeable and allow us to move forward on the matter at hand. I do hope this will be so!

First allow me to stress that once I can feel safe and trusting of your Ethics Committee’s representatives -- and -- better informed, I will be available and eager to comply with your set procedures and standards. I am sure they are quite reasonable and will be amenable  which we can confirm once we are able to get pass this initial impasse.

The stumbling block we seem to have here, which actually baffles me that it should exist, especially among trained mental health professionals, as I am assuming the Ethics Committee  is made up of, is that I am unable to feel safe and trusting in the way I have been approached by your co-chairs. 

There is nothing wrong or inappropriate in what anyone did. And I am quite sure there is nothing intended here of that nature; certainly nothing personal regarding the Ethics Co-Chairs.  I feel quite certain all are of the highest integrity and intention and truly beautiful men. 

Rather this is a circumstance that is situational, based solely in me, I believe, born of the PTSD with which my Ethics complaint is associated. Also, the fact that I have experienced other significant discounting over the years from ITAA males regarding respect of emotions and other sexual harassments, not to me but witnessed by me, probably adds to my heightened sensitivity here.

Beyond the situational, the difficulty may be as simple as the fact that I am not a person who ever makes relationship connections by the internet. Since both G and A are totally unknown to me; my not even knowing anything about them, their professional background or even where they live, for me it is as if you are demanding I communicate by email with strangers on a traumatic situation I have even kept hidden from myself for twenty-five years!

For me here, without facial expressions and voice tones, among other human cues, I  might as well be relating to a robot. However, a robot is not one I would approach about the healing and reconciliation of a trauma.

Then, perhaps, my sensitivity  is amplified by the fact that, given the  neurological disability my eight years of blindness left me with (1998 – 2006), I become easily overwhelmed by incoming data, especially from the internet. To accommodate this limitation in me, I have a wonderful team of supporters who take up challenges for me when needed and transmit information to me in a modified way that I can manage at a relatively slower pace than most in today’s high tech world. As it stands now, after twelve years back to work after blindness, I can rarely even fill out everyday forms without assistance.

Added to these strictures is the  fact that I am bringing to the Ethics Committee  a serious sexual harassment issue that, I believe, resulted in my leaving ITAA and losing out on my close to twenty-five years of training and supervision, on the way to becoming credentialed as a Teaching Member, in retaliation for my not succumbing to this harassment. All of which I had buried until last month. And, it gets worse beyond that with incidents of power abuse by male ITAA  mentors, as far back as the mid-1970s.

How much more charged could the situation be for me?

Out of all of this, I am most grateful that the recent Harvey Weinstein/Hollywood/Matt Lauer scandals and the #MeToo movement have made it possible for me, along with countless others, to come forward and give voice to these long held traumas that have robbed each of us of rights and pleasures innately ours.

The fact that I had buried and hidden the trauma of all of this for close to twenty-five years and more, up until last month, finding the documentation I wish to send quite by accident, has, quite naturally, surfaced forgotten traumatic memories and emotions for me. In this regard I am no different from countless other women, now coming forward. And, I am truly feeling the effects of this.

Thus I believe that the fact that I feel a need, perhaps even an exaggerated one, related to my Ethics complaint here, is not surprising. So my alternative is to request that I have some kind of initial reassuring personal contact, as I did have with Janet, at least by phone, to get me started with your Ethics process.  In this way I believe I can connect with a person’s voice, if not the person themselves, so I can feel safe and trusting which should not be too much of a stretch.

People who are blind, or in my case have been blind for an extended time, often rely on voice sounds to manage their navigation through life. 

To discount this level of PTSD response in me, as it stands now, is as if we are in some kind of massive “Why Don’t You, Yes But” game. Your team is saying “Why don’t you just be a good girl and do what we tell you?” while I keep saying “Yes but I don’t feel safe and trusting to do that.” Then we go on to get the expected outcome – “no win” and negative emotions. Not the best way to begin a a working relationship!

So the main issue here is that, exaggerated as it may seem, I “feel” unable at this time to begin our connections with email, especially on this issue. Being pressured to go against that evokes feelings in me of throwing up and being paralyzed with fear; typical PTSD responses.  I need reassurance, instead, to trust and feel safe to address a delicate issue, stored trauma, let go of a huge secret, burdening me and bringing me to walking around what I could not even look at or speak until now.

My alternative suggestion is that someone on your Ethics Committee call me, preferably a female but not essential. I will likely get one of my staff/volunteers on the line also to hear what you are requesting of me and why it is required. No big deal, I would imagine.  Then we can proceed on to email.

Beyond this I do not see other options although I am open to them if you do.

With appreciation for your time and attention.

Anastasia Rosen-Jones
Executive Director
New Horizons Small "Zones of Peace" Project
Cell: 240.409.5347