Death In My Family

At approximately 7:30 p.m. last evening, Sunday night, a deeply felt loss was visited upon my family.

“Family” in this case refers to the essential parts of my body, mind and spirit. The death is, specifically, that of the eyesight in my right eye.

The demise of this eye’s sight had been predicted in my junior year of college, many, many years ago.

We, the essential parts of my body, mind and spirit, are grateful beyond measure for all the good years we have had together. “We” have, also, had many near death experiences since my college days.

Time and time again we were able to transcend these. This one, however, is, most likely the end; resurrection would, at this point, be a miracle; beyond my wildest dreams.

So another Shaman’s death (and rebirth) cycle is now at hand for me, once again.

Every death potentially opens the door to the birth of formerly unreleased aspects of the Self. Each rebirth is a victory over one’s fears, self-doubt, negativity, ego attachments and so forth. Spiritual progress is marked by these victories of the Self over the self.

Of course, I must walk through this dark night of my soul. Did I not say that being blind made a Shaman out of me?

But I fear I am not up to this challenge before me.

I am weary, right now, from the battle I have been waging with my very gifted opthamologist, John Gottsch, M.D., at the Wilmer Eye Institute of Johns Hopkins in Baltimore, Maryland. We have been at it, now, for over two months.

The good news is that, for now, my left eye is still intact. However, I am harboring a threatening virus. Thus the long term prognosis, even for one eye, is not assured.

Courage and endurance is what I need. How would you rise to this challenge?

Your words of encouragement and support would be most welcome.

There have been so many words of caring, support and encouragement. Unfortunately, only two people of all those that have written have been able to make comments directly. I haven't been very successful either in posting them. So I am going to add them on to this article.

Responses to my announcemement really help me find that light inside the darkness that I need so much to hold onto.

Comments

From: Sharron Allen
(Executive Assistant to Murat Yagan)

Dear Anastasia,

There are moments when the truth we know, as you so eloquently express in describing the journey to Self, eludes us and we cannot feel strength or peace from that truth. But it is always there, and you will feel that peace and strength, and renewal will come; as someone you know says, "Patience, patience, patience..."

We send our love and will name you in our prayers.

With love from one and all,
Sharron

xxxx

From: Nancy Pace

Hi Anastasia,I tried to add something to your blog but I mess up with my password because I never use it.... You can add this if you like!

I'm so sorry about your challenges.... Losses are so hard---although at our age, we'll be learning more and more about dealing with them all the time....

Every age has its lessons. Everything is hard, even when we know it's just real life and normal. I'm sorry.

I think of you often, and fondly. I worry myself about losing my eyesight and hearing, as I am so intellectually dependent upon both for all the things I enjoy most. Life can be so difficult sometimes. I often think I should learn Braille, which I think would be an activity I would enjoy if I had sight losses, one I'm sure it's easier to learn while sighted.

xxxx

From: Sandi Lee

Your dark night of the soul will lead you through a tunnel where, as you emerge, you will find that you have more Light in your life than you've ever had before.

The walk through this darkened tunnel is the only way to the Light.

Release and let go of anything that may be keeping you from walking quickly and with great strength and courage..............

What you will discover as you step out of this tunnel is the REAL YOU.

I love you.
Sandi

xxxx

From: Lea
(My new friend from England who has the same eye disease, keratoconus)

I am here for you now, forever and always, please please dear friend remember I am here for you.

Not only are you in my thoughts you are in my prayers and in my heart.

Reach out, shout scream, swear, cry, laugh or just vent I am here for you. tell me what you need from me.

I will ask a dolphin to swim from me in england to you in america, on its back.

I shall place a giant hug for you from me.I am thinking of you .

Lea x



xxxx

From: Linda Alexander

Anastasia:

I also tried to post yesterday.

You're an amazing lady & as always, my prayers are w/you.

When you called last, I was doing genealogy @ a Memphis cemetery ... on a road trip. I'm back & would love to chat, & see how you’re doing, when you've a chance.

Keep up w/your God-filled, amazing Spirit.

Love ~ Linda

xxxx

From: Peter C.

Be healed and be well, Anastasia.  Think healing; think restoration.

Do you want me to put your name into the circle of healing in our prayer group?

Love and support, Peter.