Monday, May 30, 2011

Death In My Family

At approximately 7:30 p.m. last evening, Sunday night, a deeply felt loss was visited upon my family.

“Family” in this case refers to the essential parts of my body, mind and spirit. The death is, specifically, that of the eyesight in my right eye.

The demise of this eye’s sight had been predicted in my junior year of college, many, many years ago.

We, the essential parts of my body, mind and spirit, are grateful beyond measure for all the good years we have had together. “We” have, also, had many near death experiences since my college days.

Time and time again we were able to transcend these. This one, however, is, most likely the end; resurrection would, at this point, be a miracle; beyond my wildest dreams.

So another Shaman’s death (and rebirth) cycle is now at hand for me, once again.

Every death potentially opens the door to the birth of formerly unreleased aspects of the Self. Each rebirth is a victory over one’s fears, self-doubt, negativity, ego attachments and so forth. Spiritual progress is marked by these victories of the Self over the self.

Of course, I must walk through this dark night of my soul. Did I not say that being blind made a Shaman out of me?

But I fear I am not up to this challenge before me.

I am weary, right now, from the battle I have been waging with my very gifted opthamologist, John Gottsch, M.D., at the Wilmer Eye Institute of Johns Hopkins in Baltimore, Maryland. We have been at it, now, for over two months.

The good news is that, for now, my left eye is still intact. However, I am harboring a threatening virus. Thus the long term prognosis, even for one eye, is not assured.

Courage and endurance is what I need. How would you rise to this challenge?

Your words of encouragement and support would be most welcome.

There have been so many words of caring, support and encouragement. Unfortunately, only two people of all those that have written have been able to make comments directly. I haven't been very successful either in posting them. So I am going to add them on to this article.

Responses to my announcemement really help me find that light inside the darkness that I need so much to hold onto.

Comments

From: Sharron Allen
(Executive Assistant to Murat Yagan)

Dear Anastasia,

There are moments when the truth we know, as you so eloquently express in describing the journey to Self, eludes us and we cannot feel strength or peace from that truth. But it is always there, and you will feel that peace and strength, and renewal will come; as someone you know says, "Patience, patience, patience..."

We send our love and will name you in our prayers.

With love from one and all,
Sharron

xxxx

From: Nancy Pace

Hi Anastasia,I tried to add something to your blog but I mess up with my password because I never use it.... You can add this if you like!

I'm so sorry about your challenges.... Losses are so hard---although at our age, we'll be learning more and more about dealing with them all the time....

Every age has its lessons. Everything is hard, even when we know it's just real life and normal. I'm sorry.

I think of you often, and fondly. I worry myself about losing my eyesight and hearing, as I am so intellectually dependent upon both for all the things I enjoy most. Life can be so difficult sometimes. I often think I should learn Braille, which I think would be an activity I would enjoy if I had sight losses, one I'm sure it's easier to learn while sighted.

xxxx

From: Sandi Lee

Your dark night of the soul will lead you through a tunnel where, as you emerge, you will find that you have more Light in your life than you've ever had before.

The walk through this darkened tunnel is the only way to the Light.

Release and let go of anything that may be keeping you from walking quickly and with great strength and courage..............

What you will discover as you step out of this tunnel is the REAL YOU.

I love you.
Sandi

xxxx

From: Lea
(My new friend from England who has the same eye disease, keratoconus)

I am here for you now, forever and always, please please dear friend remember I am here for you.

Not only are you in my thoughts you are in my prayers and in my heart.

Reach out, shout scream, swear, cry, laugh or just vent I am here for you. tell me what you need from me.

I will ask a dolphin to swim from me in england to you in america, on its back.

I shall place a giant hug for you from me.I am thinking of you .

Lea x



xxxx

From: Linda Alexander

Anastasia:

I also tried to post yesterday.

You're an amazing lady & as always, my prayers are w/you.

When you called last, I was doing genealogy @ a Memphis cemetery ... on a road trip. I'm back & would love to chat, & see how you’re doing, when you've a chance.

Keep up w/your God-filled, amazing Spirit.

Love ~ Linda

xxxx

From: Peter C.

Be healed and be well, Anastasia.  Think healing; think restoration.

Do you want me to put your name into the circle of healing in our prayer group?

Love and support, Peter.

11 comments:

  1. Numerous kind and loving people have been reaching back to me in response to my announcement of "A Death In My Family." Many have reported trying to unsuccessfully post a comment to my announcement.

    That capability on this blog is not quite acting right. Lisa Boyer, architect/designer and mentor of both blogs is on alert to guide this process to work properly.

    In the meantime, if you are unable to post a comment here, please send it to me by email at zonesofpeacenh@aol.com. I will post it directly myself.

    Your comments of support and caring viewed by others, I believe, will help not only me, but many others who are gravely concerned about my well being at this time time.

    I am having a very challenging time. And, people who care about me are apparently challenged right along with me.

    Please do comment however you can. It is and will make a difference.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Posted by Anastasia
    From Angie Magliozzi

    Dearest friend,

    In the event you did not received my comment on the blog…

    What I heard when reading your article is that now you will use your senses to “see” in a different manner. This is all part of your spiritual growth and your perceptions will shift.

    Do not be in fear.

    Sent with love,
    Ang

    ReplyDelete
  3. From Kim Nuyen
    http://www.newhorizonssupport.org/led.html

    Sorry to hear about your loss. Keep your spirit up.

    If you need anything, I will be glad to help.

    Kim

    ReplyDelete
  4. From Diana H.

    Keep believing in the good that life has to offer. There is positive in all this.

    Of that I am sure.

    ReplyDelete
  5. For as long as I've known you, Anastasia, you have "seen" the world using a wide range of "eyes". And what a gift that has been to all of us. I affirm for you now peace and strength to move through this change. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  6. From Lea
    (My new friend from England, met online, has same eye disease, keratoconus, that I do.)

    My dear friend, as I have said not only do I personally understand your pain and grief that you are experiencing.

    I understand it personally as unfortunatly I have been where you are and experiening emotions no doubt mirroring those which are yours at thsi time.

    ReplyDelete
  7. The support you have from all of your friends will never waiver.

    ReplyDelete
  8. From: Peter C.

    Be healed and be well, Anastasia. Think healing; think restoration.

    Do you want me to put your name into the circle of healing in our prayer group?

    Love and support, Peter.

    ReplyDelete
  9. From: Linda Alexander

    Anastasia:

    I also tried to post yesterday.

    You're an amazing lady & as always, my prayers are w/you.

    When you called last, I was doing genealogy @ a Memphis cemetery ... on a road trip. I'm back & would love to chat, & see how you’re doing, when you've a chance.

    Keep up w/your God-filled, amazing Spirit.

    Love ~ Linda

    ReplyDelete
  10. From: Nancy Pace

    Hi Anastasia,I tried to add something to your blog but I mess up with my password because I never use it.... You can add this if you like!

    I'm so sorry about your challenges.... Losses are so hard---although at our age, we'll be learning more and more about dealing with them all the time....

    Every age has its lessons. Everything is hard, even when we know it's just real life and normal. I'm sorry.

    I think of you often, and fondly. I worry myself about losing my eyesight and hearing, as I am so intellectually dependent upon both for all the things I enjoy most. Life can be so difficult sometimes. I often think I should learn Braille, which I think would be an activity I would enjoy if I had sight losses, one I'm sure it's easier to learn while sighted.

    ReplyDelete
  11. From: Sharron Allen
    (Executive Assistant to Murat Yagan)

    Dear Anastasia,

    There are moments when the truth we know, as you so eloquently express in describing the journey to Self, eludes us and we cannot feel strength or peace from that truth. But it is always there, and you will feel that peace and strength, and renewal will come; as someone you know says, "Patience, patience, patience..."

    We send our love and will name you in our prayers.

    With love from one and all,
    Sharron

    ReplyDelete