Sunday, December 21, 2014

Life In A Bubble

Life in a bubble or life in a prison; there are differences, some major, and in some ways there are none. I believe I have lived most of my life in both; from the inside out and the outside in.

How one comes to reconcile and remedy the cumulative effects of such a life is an enormous undertaking. I believe we all suffer it to some degree, more or less.

But you have to really want to be free of imprisonment with every cell of your being to get past it.

And, you have to be determined, no matter what, to keep digging into the darkness inside yourself for your liberation to sustain itself.

Once uncovered, even a trifle of it, one must develop the agility to transform the lead that is the Dark into the Light that is the gold.

When we learn to love unconditionally as a means of exchanging refined energies – and develop a certain code of ethics and ethical practises that affirm humanity and all of life we have a marker of our having attained this healing.

Many times the ordeal feels not worth the effort. That is just the moment that something greater than oneself beckons you forth.

So you go on, at least a few more steps, living through one dark night of the soul after another.

Until, at last, the Light becomes steady; something you know you can trust.

Then, with many trials and sufferings encountered and surmounted, you realize you are engaged in the adventure of a lifetime. And you know you would not have it any other way. The inner convict, the wild cat of the soul is now being tamed – and – transformed.

More than any other single sign of the inner convict is --  the cutting off from the reciprocity that opens the numerous doorways to our full humanity. At the level of the heart it is a blockage at one or more of the main portals to that climb to awe; intellect, emotions, connection to the body and five senses, relationships to others

Doorways opened and entered we experience the alchemy of a flow in energy exchanges at the heart level, the ability to reclaim one’s lost humanity.

Entering any one of these doorways can put one on the pathway of the journey back.

My first portal to enter to begin my adventure was through my intellect. But it was only a start. In time I would learn to unlock the doors to each of the other portals. When I had opened them all, above and beyond was the joy of my heart.

But until I did, the convict in me still had the upper hand.

I am not particularly proud of this part of the Prologue. For one thing it shows how very far I had to travel. But it is instructive, many years later, in that it does illustrate, especially when you know me now, how far a person can travel.

This section of the Prologue illustrates a traveler, Me, opening the door of intellect under the guidance of a teacher, Marty Groder, in my case.  I believe a teacher or guide is always essential.

But I was a long way from my emotions and the gifts of the other portals and, thus, my heart.

Much of that would come later with the guidance of my later mentor, Murat Yagan.

I offer this to you as one who is likely to be only a few chapters ahead of you, perhaps not even that. Still the sharing is an essential part of my “return.”

I hope only that this gift can inspire as you travel your own journey. 

For me, it is a labor of love, determination and discipline to: 1. Give from the abundance my life holds; 2. Clarify and integrate who and what I am by sharing; and 3. Set the record straight where that can be of service to anyone, as a role model of a recovering survivor/addict or in some other way, especially for my two children, Elisa and Eric.

Today this is especially for Eric who has his birthday tomorrow; my Winter Solstice son (also born on the first night of Chanukah and home from the hospital on Christmas Eve).

With gratitude for the blessings of the season,


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