Entering The Labyrinth

Whatever IT is, first you have to want IT. Then you need to believe IT is possible to attain. Next you need to set your intentions, wholly, totally without reservation, on your vision, even if you’re a little bit scared. You might actually even be a lot scared. But that cannot matter. Every fiber of your being knows this IT is your “North Star;” the light you must follow; if your life is to have meaning for you. The only worthy path for your destiny.

How can a bus ride and
a labryinth be similar?

Step number four is that you must regularly and ruthlessly self-assess and monitor your attitudes and actions. You must get out of your way, meticulously seeking to eliminate any and all you do that obstructs the attainment of your vision. You do this eliminating on every level of your personhood, your human interactions, carrying that intent into every conceivable aspect of your life.

Your intention is so strong; your determination so unequivocal that your day-to-day, moment by moment choices become more and more familiarly spontaneous. You are, essentially, living without needing to make, any but the most rudimentary, momentary choices as your main, overriding destination is topmost in your mind, encircling and defining the smaller ones.

Our night of the Abkhazian Dinner has come now and gone. It was a beginning. I believe I will always be able to trace back to this event, this year’s (Almost) Annual Abkhazian Dinner, as a beginning though I will never see its end. The attainment of a long held vision is in sight. When I lost my eyesight I did not lose my vision. I do not yet know how to tell you in words what I saw when I was blind but I believe what I saw is now coming to pass.

Last night at the Abkhazian Dinner I was unable to eat. There seemed to be no time for me to imbibe the beautiful array of foods brought to our feast. Still I had little hunger, fed as I was on all else, surrounding me, particularly the people. Yet not only the people. but the spirit they created collectively around them.

Now that I’ve got it what do I do with it? I have entered the labyrinth, once again. This time bringing very special others with me. Who can know where we are going although we know where we are heading?

The Dawning

Help support New Horizons'
programs and projects.

I think insight might be dawning for me about my relative silence here these past few months. Growing clarity suggests that my quiet has had to do with my knowing "awe." As Murat has said, “not knowing about it, but knowing it.” And, once known, at least insofar as awe is concerned, not being willing to settle for less. Here I am, particularly, speaking about awe and its various aspects.

To “know something, not just about it, but to know it,” can be wondrous. One of the things I know is the quality that “awe” has; the vibration of it, particularly when it is an “awe” co-created with others. I have spoken, sometimes even at length, about awe on the other blog site. I have even, at times, offered myself up as a guide for the adventure of climbing the Mountain of Awe. I have had some takers, but not nearly enough to assure myself that I am available enough to the best of my abilities.

Now comes the Abkhazian Dinner, promising to be another opportunity; a golden one at that; this one for a group, where I believe I will be called to use the best of my skills in the service of guiding others on the climb to the very peak of the Mountain of Awe. Even better for me, this climb will be assisted by my co-adventurer, Sue, and the other volunteers signing on to help with the Abkhazian Dinner.

Now it is dawning on me; my silence has been a product of my “knowing” awe. Knowing awe, why would a discriminating person become overly-involved in the hype of the day, even to offer one’s opinions about it? Such a being should definitely be discriminating, saving one’s precious energies for a more propitious time. It will surely come. Patience is the key.

Already I am beginning to see that the energies surrounding our Abkhazian Dinner, on behalf of the Season For Non-Violence, bode well for contributing my various skills. Indeed, the event may, in fact, even turn out to be an auspicious opportunity. What more could one ask?

I advise that, if you are not already a reader of both of the blog sites for which I write, start tuning in now. I believe BIG things are about to soon start happening for me and for New Horizons, our many programs and projects, including our Possible Human, Possible Society Study. My stories about these will be shared as much and as often as I can post them, back and forth between the two sites. I believe my silence is over!

Soon again

Soon again, I will have words to express myself here. They are coming, slowly. Yet I feel them bubbling up to the surface of my mind, almost ready to be shared. I am understanding the logic, too, more fully; of my personal reasoning, albeit reluctantly, dredged up from my unconscious, that has been underlying my inability to speak of late through this blog. My resistance surprised me when first I noticed it in mid-December.

Prior to that time (July – December), I believed I was eagerly joining in and contributing something meaningful to the talk of the day; something that might make a difference, even a sliver of one. I really wanted to do that! Then I got stuck.

Abkhazian Elder, Murat Yagan, showed many of us
that "Wherever two or more are gathered,"
informal conversations can become
healing medicine for systemic change.

Speaking and writing began to feel as if I were throwing words at people and them doing the same back at me. All around me began to feel like one big, noisy crowd; everyone that was talking blaring out as many words as they could at anyone else who would listen.

After my few forays into it (July – December), I felt as if I was, part and parcel, of a faceless, reactionary mass; opinions everywhere about politicians, scandals and the rest of the “what not” that passes for day-to-day news.  What point was there in joining the near-ceaseless rhetoric, threatening to pack cyberspace on a daily basis? What value offering up more words, as if more could make a difference, and create change by the end of a given work day? Why bother? It was all so predictable. Soon it simply became a bore; news that was not really about life in motion. Rather, better stated, merely a commotion.

Simultaneously, I was discovering the joy of doing interviews for the Possible Human, Possible Society Study. Initially, I anticipated the study as merely being a data gathering project. It was, nonetheless, intended that the study would, at least, identify a few meaningful conclusions regarding current social change and allow New Horizons to offer whatever it could to needed remedies.

Soon, however, the real deal surfaced; study interviews were inviting storytelling, mostly that of the interviewees, yet with ample room for some stories of my own. What a mitzvah (Yiddish for blessing)! Many of the central interview questions revolved around the same essential topics as the “noise;” current national affairs. But through stories I was being told and hearing much more; the deep, heartfelt significance beyond mere constituent complaints. I was becoming privy to stories that reflected the heart and soul of the well-thought out hopes and dreams of study participants.

What a magnificent surprise! Endeavoring to gather certain data via the study, (too complex to explicate here), I had found a portal to enter the realm of “awe” with study participants, perhaps only briefly, but awe no less. A chronicle was in the making through our study of contemporary American social change in certain select areas of concern. Wow!

Storytelling is one of the most vibrant of human life-affirming means for connecting with others. Here I am, “Anastasia The Storyteller,” learning anew the power of storytelling. Wow, again! I am so grateful that our Possible Human, Possible Society Study is giving this treasure to me and others (along with its data collecting). Now I am, also, eagerly looking forward to our coming event, the Abkhazian Dinner, March 25, that will invite out more of the same; storytelling, from me, from my co-presenter, Mayor Deborah Burgoyne of Burkittsville, Maryland, study participants and our local community. All in the service of building community-unity.

(Yes, Burkittsville, Maryland is the home of the "Blair Witch Project." Has that anything at all to do with community-unity building, 2012? Most likely not, still there’s a good story for you.)

Storytelling! Storytelling! Through storytelling I believe, I am beginning to find new ways to share words with others that can bypass the dumb stuff (for me). I don’t like it at all when words (mine or anyone else’s) just add more noise and make little or no difference at all.

Since I am just learning and so much is unfolding, rapidly, day-by-day, I invite you to become a reader of the other blog that I write so you can be informed of what’s happening there, even if I cannot say much here. These two blog sites actually are companions, if you have not yet figured that out. "Anastasia The Storyteller" offers stories that are the behind-the-scenes stuff of New Horizons. "New Horizons/Small “Zones of Peace” is generally about what’s happening out front.

Spirit Of Graciousness

Surprisingly, I had no more words to express, after I posted my Herman Cain scandal articles. And explaining that matter, even to myself, was a rather challenging endeavor. How does one shift, almost overnight, from bold near-expletives to silence, particularly in today’s highly-charged political environment? Is that not an absurdity, particularly if one wishes to have impact which I decidedly do?

I thought myself rather strange in this way, especially, as at the time that I silenced myself, I had come to love writing my blog articles. And I believed that I was genuinely enjoying myself, speaking out as I was. For decades circumstances had conspired to hold back the well-researched, well-documented perspectives I had devotedly accrued since Watergate on the "dark side" of politics and the power games politicians play.

The spirit of graciousness
my "Mom" (stepmother)
embodied is with me always.

I prided myself on my expansive capacity to, not only explicate what I had discovered, but put that wisdom to use in everyday life. Should I choose to do so, I was more than confident of my
ability to "diplomatically" challenge the best of the power players. That is, if I choose, too, to risk upending my hard-won “zones of peace” and tranquility.

So why had I silenced myself just at the seemingly most perfect moment; heading into the 2012 election year? There certainly were, already, more than enough opportunities to make my perspectives known in the growing heat of day; endless “case studies,” actively offering themselves up for comment, each and every day of the week. Why quiet oneself now, a curious observer might ask?

It’s almost easy to understand the irony, if one realizes how absurdly boring it has all become; this election campaigning of 2008, now become that of 2012. And, how it is for me, personally, in this daily arena of character bashing. Given that I have a bold, brash, male side of me that enjoys, not only the wisdom I have gained, but the game as its played, but, even more so, that I, also, have a spirit of graciousness, embodied by my Divine feminine nature, I needed the quiet of my inner mystical self to take a break from it all. Before it has even fully begun. Thus, for awhile I had little more to say, but only for awhile.

Truly, I am, today, a product of my parents; bold and outspoken like my father, and gentle and contemplative like my stepmother. How to balance these two sides of me and do it with grace does not always come easy to me.

When I Am Without Words

Original posted and modified here from New Horizons Small "Zones of Peace," Wednesday, December 28, 2011.

When I am without words to bridge the chasm that separates me from you, I am unable to write my blog articles. My assignment, per board member and blog coach, Lisa Boyer, is to write two blogs for each site, weekly; a total of four per week between them. Not infrequently, however, enumerable obstacles arise, obstructing this responsibility of mine. I often fall short of the mark, though I am always learning and hoping to do better.

Still, the writer’s drought I was experiencing over the past three or four months really mystified me. I love writing these articles. But I kept falling short of my intentions and having a curiously difficult time, pinning down the cause. Nothing that I considered adequately accounted for the lag. Not satisfied with simply “writing” off my inability to produce as a typical writer’s block, I continued to contemplate the obstacle I was unable to transcend. Exploring one’s resistance can be quite a gift, you know.

Before long, it seemed right for me to mindfully take my query into my daily meditations, asking the light within as well as beyond to please illuminate the path out of my somewhat disturbing circumstance. This angle brought me to look for clues in New Horizons Possible Human, Possible Society Study. This study is, without doubt, the most intriguing and fun project I have done in years! I have been enjoying every minute spent on it, particularly the interviewees’ stories; true tales carrying within them hopes for our country’s future well being. Yet seeing this connection still did not fully remedy my writing dilemma.

No, the fuller explanation was more deeply buried in my psyche. Then, lo and behold, the big insight came to me. Wow! There was an important connection between my inability to write and earlier comments I had posted on this blog related to the “Herman Cain” scandal. Wow, again!

Liberated from my writing obstruction, I am about to tell you what I discovered, believing that you will find some intrinsic value through my sharing. I hereby pledge to bring forth, from the very depths of my being, what I consider to be some of the most useful stories I have in my storehouse of tales. Check out my “We Came For Camelot” stories, already posted, to find background for these offerings to come. Also check out my extended bio as well as a summary of the history of the New Horizons project, beautifully written by G.M. Corrigan, for additional background

Much more to come; election year, 2012, is the perfect time for these tales to be told.

P.S. For stories, details and participation qualifications, check out the Possible Human, Possible Society Study.

Where Has Anastasia Been Hiding Out All This Time?

I was in a groove for awhile with posting blog articles here. (I’d say from about June, 2011 until around November, 2011. Check it out for yourself.) I think there was some pretty good stuff there too. I was on a roll, taking a stand for "my personal platform" about political matters. My platform, of course, also speaks volumes for New Horizons and its various projects. As I am the one that birthed that baby, New Horizons Support Network, Inc. (circa 1980) and its many faces!

Then I had almost nothing to say on "Anastasia The Storyteller"; arid desert. Nothing. Nada. Perhaps I was wearing one of my many masks. And, perhaps that one had its mouth zipped. But I don’t think that is quite it. So we’ll let that point just slide for a bit. Anyway, here I am, again. And, to get myself back in the flow that I was so much enjoying until I was silent, I am posting below an earlier blog that, as it turned out, may, once again spoken here, help me unravel the mystery (as I’ve been wondering about it too), “Has the cat got your tongue, Anastasia?”

Introducing:
"Ma B'shrt"

Anastasia’s answer: “Yes, well maybe it did. The cat that is, maybe she did almost get my tongue. To be completely honest I did get a cat around the end of October. And begin learning to live with her during this fallow period was no small challenge for me. So maybe there is a link here. Anyway her name is B’shrt which is Hebrew/Yiddesh??? (I forget which), meaning “destiny.”

She is quite a princess so maybe I was being challenged to make room in my life for this other feminine royal being here. Especially when I don’t even think I like cats and she wasn’t much fun in the beginning. She is, now, growing on me, however, so maybe part of the mystery about where I have been these past months is off forming a new relationship. Whatever it was, wherever I have been, hasn't been very verbal.

Re-posted from Tuesday, December 13, 2011
 
Question:

Where has Anastasia been that there have hardly been any blog posts from her for months?

Answer:

After Anastasia commented on the Herman Cain scandal, she began a journey to the deeper realms of her true, beautiful feminine Self and the mysteries held therein. She had few words with which to articulate these places that she was accessing.

The Herman Cain scandal and Anastasia’s commentaries on them seem to have brought her to a place wherein she found herself growing very bored. Boredom is a seldom place for Anastasia. Thus she felt called to observe the significance of her boredom with curiosity. Her contemplations on these, the Herman Cain scandal and her boredom, brought Anastasia to hypothesize that when juxtaposed with the other changes going on in the deep inner recesses of her Being, as well as those now taking place at New Horizons, there just might be some kind of link.

Might Anastasia's boredom with occurrences such as the recent Herman Cain scandal, contrasting with the near magical quality of her most recent program development efforts; the creation and birthing of the Possible Human, Possible Society Study, have anything to do with one another?

Check back soon for updates. More to come. (Well, as of today, January 27, 2012 not much more has come, but it is on its way.)

Getting To Know You. Letting You Know Me.

Don’t Be Fooled By Me
Adapted by Anastasia from an unknown author

Don’t be fooled by me.
Don’t be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks and all of them are me.

Masks that I have not yet learned how to remove to show you the real me. Pretending had become an art that was second nature to me. I was adept at giving others the impression that I was unruffled, that I truly had it all together. “Miss Success” was the name I carried with me. But subtlety and finesse were a game with me. I was play acting that the waters of my being were calm and I was always in command.

My surface seemed smooth, but my surface was a mask, an ever varying, ever concealing mask. Beneath that surface lies an invisible me that had no words by which to express itself. Beneath that surface dwells the real me, sometimes confused and alone but more often loving and happy, simply yearning to connect without knowing how.

So please don’t believe too much in that surface I show you right up front. I am so used to my game that I forget that the genuine me is hiding. Perhaps I am even panicked at the thought of being exposed. That is why I frantically hold onto that mask I have created to hide behind, a nonchalant, sophisticated fascade, to help me pretend and get me by when I am unsure of myself. Or how you will receive the true me without it.

Still I much prefer a knowing glance that sees through my, sometimes, even brazen shield. Certainly I often wear the mask of an intellectual. But that mask is a cover-up for the me that simply likes to smile and play, especially in nature, share dreams or other kinds of imaginings or meditate and pray together. So please don’t be fooled by me. We are wasting such precious time with these games.

My fascade of complete self-assurance without and my inner yearning to be authentic is truly a disservice I am coming to believe. Just so silly. I don’t really like it at all when my life is a glittering but empty parade of masks and my life becomes a front. I bet you just might be hiding too. But isn’t it a waste?

We idly chatter in suave tones of surface talk. We tell each other everything that’s really nothing at all and nothing of what’s everything, of what is crying out inside of us to truly be known. So when I am going through my routine do not be fooled by what I am saying. Please listen carefully to what I am not saying. Truth be told, I am actually listening to what you are not saying too. Because I really want to know the real you.

I dislike hiding. Honestly. I dislike the superficiality. I’d really like to be genuine and spontaneous and me. But perhaps we do need to share the willingness to put the artifice down in order for it to truly make a difference. We need to make the effort to get off the internet, put aside the texting and voice mail. Make time for unhurried face-to-face time; the resource we believe to be so scarce. But look at the time we are wasting by each of us wearing a mask.

Each time we try to understand one another because we really care to know and be known, we are taking steps forward to develop our humanness. This knowing is really almost the greatest resource we have, you and I; our humanness.

So please give it a chance. Let’s try to beat down those walls that keep us from seeing one another for who we truly are. And, please, if nothing else don’t be fooled by the masks I wear.

999 still on the shelf. If only one mask should fall in 2012, what then?? 998 more to go.

Best wishes for a Happy New Year!

Anastasia, trying to be more and more authentic, day-by-day.