My Ethics Complaint documentation is all but complete, save for finishing touches I will put together in the next few weeks, before I submit it.
Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of this week carried me over the gap that was to be my end of finishing up unfinished business. I was drained by the undertaking, yet uplifted by it too, particularly that I had managed to complete what I had set out to do, four months earlier. And without the obstacles defeating me that had unsettled me previously.
Then, as the effort to produce my main piece, the timeline, detailing my sexual harassment and power abuse situation, as I lived it, receded, I began to stand back from the content I had so carefully laid out – and – begin reflecting.
I was seeking to reach a level beyond the intellectual process of preparing that which the Ethics Committee demanded, intent now on raising myself up to the emotional plane of consciousness, knowing this needed to be my next step in my endeavor to ascend beyond the mundane particulars that had been binding me to the project.
As the descent into my body, my senses and emotions got underway I realized, almost instantly, the alchemical dynamic of turning lead into gold taking hold in me that I have come to anticipate.
For this clarity I have reverence; almost awe, especially when I realize that it is two maps, in particular, that I have had to guide my life’s journey; that of my first mentor, beyond my father, Dr. Martin Groder, my psychiatrist mentor, and then, later, Murat Yagan, my Beloved spiritual teacher and New Horizons’ community development adviser, that have brought me here.
Free to be me and soar!
Without fail, I can rely upon these maps to take me out of the depths of any darkness within which I might find myself up to the heights of a consciousness that, once reached, alters my perception to such a degree that I am transformed, emotionally, spiritually and, sometimes, even physically.
The directions, when followed, are that fail safe!
Oh how I wish I could be healer enough to restore my damaged eyesight with this adeptness of mine, based on a series of maps I have treasured, now, for close to forty years!
Lucky me!
And, if I could pass them on – and – the wisdom they embody, so much the better!
On the simplest level, I am watching the movement, inside myself, of my moving through anger and resentment, its close cousin, down into layers of grief, as I reflect with new insight, upon all that is the saga of this Ethics Complaint as I've lived it. And the related losses by what is now revealed?
For this I must open my eyes and my mind to seeing what I did not see in the past.
I am likely, as usual, to come through this with a more refined Self. But I might like the gain to have a bit less pain.
Nonetheless, that’s what alchemy is about, right?
How blind I was to how I was being manipulated and seduced into relying on someone who, by virtue of credentials, years of experience and seeming respect by other members of my professional association, did not likely ever have my best interest at heart, only his own!
In the immediate present, I am seeing how very naïve I was!
Had it not been for Harvey Weinstein, the Hollywood scandals and the outpouring of collective voices that became the follow through of the #Metoo movement, I would not even have realized this all these many years later.
So unknowing was I that I ended up being a pawn to be used in some other person’s quest for grandeur. Just at the time I thought I was being supported and encouraged to be at my best. And to excel at what I was devoting myself to learning at the time through that other person.
I am somewhat saddened by the unexpected turn of events, as one might expect.
Yet enlightened and liberated, both of which bring me great joy!
Contemplation and a whole new set of lessons to learn is where I sit, along with a burst of energy that has me wanting to do sit ups, of all things!
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