For starters recall that my name “Anastasia,” means “She who rises again.” Thus returning to foundation parts of myself; one of which is the Washington, D.C. fast track, seems to be deeply-rooted in me, a calling, so to speak. So “returning,” as I am now intent on doing, is something I cannot refuse.
Anastasia is a name of Greek origin, meaning "resurrection" or “One who will be reborn.” With this as my designation, this morning, as I entered the day, I was reflecting on the meaning my “return” has for me. Two parallel images came to mind; the first, I identified as feminine, the second, undoubtedly, male.
The first took on a vision, like the graphic above, designed for this article. The second was of a football player, carrying the ball, heading for the end zone for a touchdown. I, too, want to carry the ball into the end zone. I, too, want to make a touchdown; many, in fact, that can lead to a win.
But, perhaps, I need to reach that end by picking flowers along the way. That might mean I need to place myself elsewhere than a football field; possibly a meadow or a river stream such as the one I live above on the Potomac River. Or, maybe, mostly, right here on this mountainside property that is home to New Horizons and myself.
I don't know, exactly, how to do this,
Joan, my Kebzeh mentor and “big sister,” says she is concerned and worried for me. That the path I am taking is dangerous and precarious.
“Who in their right mind (not Joan's words exactly), especially a very spiritually-based person, would want to “return to the D.C. fast track, especially in this horrendous climate within which we are now, in America, finding ourselves.”Sue, board member, New Horizons collaborator and my Beloved “Spirit Sister,” knows, on the other hand, that I have been planning this return, almost since the day I left in the midst of the Watergate scandal. She is the one who pointed out that I could make my return by weaving together all the many threads the picture above suggests. She knows I am well-equipped to manage whatever will present itself.
Most importantly, Sue knows I am not going ahead with my “return” project alone. I have many skills and tools – and – wise support people to back me up.
This view feels right to me. From this perspective I came to imagining my returning by weaving. Weaving, according to Wikipedia, is "a method of textile production in which distinct sets of yarns or threads are interlaced to form a fabric or cloth." I like this image. It suggests that, if I am to be a weaver, as I return, I will create some kind of fabric out of this adventure.
How it might look when complete I have no idea. Only a few of the strands are visible to me now. With this vision in mind, I still don’t know how to do this.
Nonetheless, already I can see I haven’t yet figured out how to return without playing the Washington GAME.
How does one have impact in our nation’s capital with a system built, purely, on a male model? This is the one I took up, in my early adult days, from my father's example. How does one move into the "swamp" and still maintain the more inclusive ways of women, the less competitive, even cut throat ways of men?
The male way was troublesome, some, back in the day, I remember, as I reflect. It, certainly, didn’t make room for my emotions, the demands of motherhood, as motherhood was lived in that era. The time had not yet started when the feminine would be dignified with all its many facets of beauty -- and -- power. Women were, instead, pressed to uphold the traditional. I know I sure payed a price, on occasion, for bucking this system. It didn't take long, however, before I began to appreciate that I already had a strong sense of how to be uniquely my own, as well as generically female.
I don’t yet know how to do what I am setting out to do, in a high impact, strong woman, yet feminine way. It’s a new path I am embarking upon. Many women I respect and admire, such as Madeline Albright and Ruth Bader Ginsberg, have been leading the way forth onto tracks that make room for a woman’s “different voice,” as Carol Gilligan began researching it in the early ‘80s. Today I am particularly admiring the woman’s voices of Senator Susan Collins (R-Maine) and Senator Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska) as they placed their “no” votes on the floor of the Senate this past week.
Their courageous stance, in the face of opposition, and even threat, as it was doled out to Senator Murkowski, reminds me of the unique way of perceiving and behaving that is a woman’s heritage, as well as her challenge.
With the strength demonstrations of integrity and courage such as this offer, I close my eyes, off and on today, feeling vibrant energies rising from the soles of my feet to the soul level I feel beyond my physical being. With my eyes closed, allowing me to concentrate more fully on this flow, I feel myself reaching out to unite to the whole of all living things that ever were.
In this I feel the Oneness I am constantly seeking. And know, if only for a moment, that I do know how to do this endeavor, upon which I am embarking, provided I look inside the silence within me and allow it to speak.