Spirit Of Graciousness

Surprisingly, I had no more words to express, after I posted my Herman Cain scandal articles. And explaining that matter, even to myself, was a rather challenging endeavor. How does one shift, almost overnight, from bold near-expletives to silence, particularly in today’s highly-charged political environment? Is that not an absurdity, particularly if one wishes to have impact which I decidedly do?

I thought myself rather strange in this way, especially, as at the time that I silenced myself, I had come to love writing my blog articles. And I believed that I was genuinely enjoying myself, speaking out as I was. For decades circumstances had conspired to hold back the well-researched, well-documented perspectives I had devotedly accrued since Watergate on the "dark side" of politics and the power games politicians play.

The spirit of graciousness
my "Mom" (stepmother)
embodied is with me always.

I prided myself on my expansive capacity to, not only explicate what I had discovered, but put that wisdom to use in everyday life. Should I choose to do so, I was more than confident of my
ability to "diplomatically" challenge the best of the power players. That is, if I choose, too, to risk upending my hard-won “zones of peace” and tranquility.

So why had I silenced myself just at the seemingly most perfect moment; heading into the 2012 election year? There certainly were, already, more than enough opportunities to make my perspectives known in the growing heat of day; endless “case studies,” actively offering themselves up for comment, each and every day of the week. Why quiet oneself now, a curious observer might ask?

It’s almost easy to understand the irony, if one realizes how absurdly boring it has all become; this election campaigning of 2008, now become that of 2012. And, how it is for me, personally, in this daily arena of character bashing. Given that I have a bold, brash, male side of me that enjoys, not only the wisdom I have gained, but the game as its played, but, even more so, that I, also, have a spirit of graciousness, embodied by my Divine feminine nature, I needed the quiet of my inner mystical self to take a break from it all. Before it has even fully begun. Thus, for awhile I had little more to say, but only for awhile.

Truly, I am, today, a product of my parents; bold and outspoken like my father, and gentle and contemplative like my stepmother. How to balance these two sides of me and do it with grace does not always come easy to me.

When I Am Without Words

Original posted and modified here from New Horizons Small "Zones of Peace," Wednesday, December 28, 2011.

When I am without words to bridge the chasm that separates me from you, I am unable to write my blog articles. My assignment, per board member and blog coach, Lisa Boyer, is to write two blogs for each site, weekly; a total of four per week between them. Not infrequently, however, enumerable obstacles arise, obstructing this responsibility of mine. I often fall short of the mark, though I am always learning and hoping to do better.

Still, the writer’s drought I was experiencing over the past three or four months really mystified me. I love writing these articles. But I kept falling short of my intentions and having a curiously difficult time, pinning down the cause. Nothing that I considered adequately accounted for the lag. Not satisfied with simply “writing” off my inability to produce as a typical writer’s block, I continued to contemplate the obstacle I was unable to transcend. Exploring one’s resistance can be quite a gift, you know.

Before long, it seemed right for me to mindfully take my query into my daily meditations, asking the light within as well as beyond to please illuminate the path out of my somewhat disturbing circumstance. This angle brought me to look for clues in New Horizons Possible Human, Possible Society Study. This study is, without doubt, the most intriguing and fun project I have done in years! I have been enjoying every minute spent on it, particularly the interviewees’ stories; true tales carrying within them hopes for our country’s future well being. Yet seeing this connection still did not fully remedy my writing dilemma.

No, the fuller explanation was more deeply buried in my psyche. Then, lo and behold, the big insight came to me. Wow! There was an important connection between my inability to write and earlier comments I had posted on this blog related to the “Herman Cain” scandal. Wow, again!

Liberated from my writing obstruction, I am about to tell you what I discovered, believing that you will find some intrinsic value through my sharing. I hereby pledge to bring forth, from the very depths of my being, what I consider to be some of the most useful stories I have in my storehouse of tales. Check out my “We Came For Camelot” stories, already posted, to find background for these offerings to come. Also check out my extended bio as well as a summary of the history of the New Horizons project, beautifully written by G.M. Corrigan, for additional background

Much more to come; election year, 2012, is the perfect time for these tales to be told.

P.S. For stories, details and participation qualifications, check out the Possible Human, Possible Society Study.

Where Has Anastasia Been Hiding Out All This Time?

I was in a groove for awhile with posting blog articles here. (I’d say from about June, 2011 until around November, 2011. Check it out for yourself.) I think there was some pretty good stuff there too. I was on a roll, taking a stand for "my personal platform" about political matters. My platform, of course, also speaks volumes for New Horizons and its various projects. As I am the one that birthed that baby, New Horizons Support Network, Inc. (circa 1980) and its many faces!

Then I had almost nothing to say on "Anastasia The Storyteller"; arid desert. Nothing. Nada. Perhaps I was wearing one of my many masks. And, perhaps that one had its mouth zipped. But I don’t think that is quite it. So we’ll let that point just slide for a bit. Anyway, here I am, again. And, to get myself back in the flow that I was so much enjoying until I was silent, I am posting below an earlier blog that, as it turned out, may, once again spoken here, help me unravel the mystery (as I’ve been wondering about it too), “Has the cat got your tongue, Anastasia?”

Introducing:
"Ma B'shrt"

Anastasia’s answer: “Yes, well maybe it did. The cat that is, maybe she did almost get my tongue. To be completely honest I did get a cat around the end of October. And begin learning to live with her during this fallow period was no small challenge for me. So maybe there is a link here. Anyway her name is B’shrt which is Hebrew/Yiddesh??? (I forget which), meaning “destiny.”

She is quite a princess so maybe I was being challenged to make room in my life for this other feminine royal being here. Especially when I don’t even think I like cats and she wasn’t much fun in the beginning. She is, now, growing on me, however, so maybe part of the mystery about where I have been these past months is off forming a new relationship. Whatever it was, wherever I have been, hasn't been very verbal.

Re-posted from Tuesday, December 13, 2011
 
Question:

Where has Anastasia been that there have hardly been any blog posts from her for months?

Answer:

After Anastasia commented on the Herman Cain scandal, she began a journey to the deeper realms of her true, beautiful feminine Self and the mysteries held therein. She had few words with which to articulate these places that she was accessing.

The Herman Cain scandal and Anastasia’s commentaries on them seem to have brought her to a place wherein she found herself growing very bored. Boredom is a seldom place for Anastasia. Thus she felt called to observe the significance of her boredom with curiosity. Her contemplations on these, the Herman Cain scandal and her boredom, brought Anastasia to hypothesize that when juxtaposed with the other changes going on in the deep inner recesses of her Being, as well as those now taking place at New Horizons, there just might be some kind of link.

Might Anastasia's boredom with occurrences such as the recent Herman Cain scandal, contrasting with the near magical quality of her most recent program development efforts; the creation and birthing of the Possible Human, Possible Society Study, have anything to do with one another?

Check back soon for updates. More to come. (Well, as of today, January 27, 2012 not much more has come, but it is on its way.)

Getting To Know You. Letting You Know Me.

Don’t Be Fooled By Me
Adapted by Anastasia from an unknown author

Don’t be fooled by me.
Don’t be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks and all of them are me.

Masks that I have not yet learned how to remove to show you the real me. Pretending had become an art that was second nature to me. I was adept at giving others the impression that I was unruffled, that I truly had it all together. “Miss Success” was the name I carried with me. But subtlety and finesse were a game with me. I was play acting that the waters of my being were calm and I was always in command.

My surface seemed smooth, but my surface was a mask, an ever varying, ever concealing mask. Beneath that surface lies an invisible me that had no words by which to express itself. Beneath that surface dwells the real me, sometimes confused and alone but more often loving and happy, simply yearning to connect without knowing how.

So please don’t believe too much in that surface I show you right up front. I am so used to my game that I forget that the genuine me is hiding. Perhaps I am even panicked at the thought of being exposed. That is why I frantically hold onto that mask I have created to hide behind, a nonchalant, sophisticated fascade, to help me pretend and get me by when I am unsure of myself. Or how you will receive the true me without it.

Still I much prefer a knowing glance that sees through my, sometimes, even brazen shield. Certainly I often wear the mask of an intellectual. But that mask is a cover-up for the me that simply likes to smile and play, especially in nature, share dreams or other kinds of imaginings or meditate and pray together. So please don’t be fooled by me. We are wasting such precious time with these games.

My fascade of complete self-assurance without and my inner yearning to be authentic is truly a disservice I am coming to believe. Just so silly. I don’t really like it at all when my life is a glittering but empty parade of masks and my life becomes a front. I bet you just might be hiding too. But isn’t it a waste?

We idly chatter in suave tones of surface talk. We tell each other everything that’s really nothing at all and nothing of what’s everything, of what is crying out inside of us to truly be known. So when I am going through my routine do not be fooled by what I am saying. Please listen carefully to what I am not saying. Truth be told, I am actually listening to what you are not saying too. Because I really want to know the real you.

I dislike hiding. Honestly. I dislike the superficiality. I’d really like to be genuine and spontaneous and me. But perhaps we do need to share the willingness to put the artifice down in order for it to truly make a difference. We need to make the effort to get off the internet, put aside the texting and voice mail. Make time for unhurried face-to-face time; the resource we believe to be so scarce. But look at the time we are wasting by each of us wearing a mask.

Each time we try to understand one another because we really care to know and be known, we are taking steps forward to develop our humanness. This knowing is really almost the greatest resource we have, you and I; our humanness.

So please give it a chance. Let’s try to beat down those walls that keep us from seeing one another for who we truly are. And, please, if nothing else don’t be fooled by the masks I wear.

999 still on the shelf. If only one mask should fall in 2012, what then?? 998 more to go.

Best wishes for a Happy New Year!

Anastasia, trying to be more and more authentic, day-by-day.

What I See Today On Christmas Day

So much feels right this morning as I awaken to Christmas Day. Is it an illusion? Perhaps the concentration of love and light; the abundance of spirit that infuses itself into everyday life during the holiday season?

Of course, it is beyond my limited human capacities to truly determine that which is in the nature of wonder, much less readily find words that adequately describe it. It is mine only to revel in the mystery. On a very personal level the spirit of the season lifts up high for me in celebration of my son’s birthday. What a blessed babe, now grown into a man, was he; born on the first night of Chanukah which was also that year the Winter Solstice and a full moon, coming home from the hospital on Christmas Eve, incredibly profound for a baby born of a Jewish mother and a Catholic father.

This morning, beyond words, beyond the knowable, a sense of light and purity permeates my body, seems to fill the spaces surrounding me. It feels so ordinary, yet extraordinary that I am called to know it as awe. Is it Christmas? Is “it” me? Maybe the new moon, Christmas, Chanukah, the Winter Solstice all merge together?

Truly today I feel “that kind of hush all over the world” that speaks of peace on earth, goodwill to humankind. Stillness, sparkle, sunshine outside in the crisp, cold air of December.

Where Has Anastasia Gone?

Question:

Where has Anastasia gone that there have been no blog posts from her for over a month?

Answer:

After Anastasia commented on the Herman Cain scandal, she began a journey to the deeper realms of her true, beautiful feminine Self and the mysteries held therein. She had few words with which to articulate these places that she was accessing.

The Herman Cain scandal and Anastasia’s commentaries on them seemed to have brought her to a place wherein she found herself growing very bored. Boredom is a seldom place for Anastasia.
Thus she felt called to observe the significance of her boredom with curiosity. Her contemplations on these, the Herman Cain scandal and her boredom, brought Anastasia to hypothesize that when juxtaposed with the other changes going on in the deep inner recesses of her Being, as well as those now taking place at New Horizons, there just might be some kind of link.


Might Anastasia's boredom with occurrences such as the recent Herman Cain scandal, contrasting with the near magical quality of her most recent program development efforts; the creation and birthing of the Possible Human, Possible Society Study, have anything to do with one another?

Check back soon for updates. More to come.

Washington Women: Real Smart or Real Dumb

Whoopee, all these beautiful, brave women telling on Herman Cain. I do so love it!

Of course, I believe the charges about Herman Cain. I do hope they drive him away. And, quickly as all this “sexual misconduct” stuff is so incredibly tedious, if nothing else. For me, Washington men, particularly those with political aspirations are guilty as accused until proven otherwise. My little flip on Constitutional rights. Too bad, too bad. Call me a bitch or undemocratic.

I also believe that Occupy Wall Street can only go so far unless and until we Occupy Congress and all those, men, the ones aspiring to do just that; occupy Congress etc. etc., get called on their games. How about our male protestors? Women’s lib was not particularly honored at those civil rights and anti-war demonstrations.

Is Occupy Wall Street truly different when it comes to sexual misconduct? I’ll bet there will be some gender tensions in those parks when the sun goes down, tonight and every night. Though women today are a whole lot smarter than we women were back in those bygone hippie days, that game still does go on.

I’ve got some stories from way back then. Bet you do too, if the world of Washington has ever been your turf.

The "little" mis-step of Mr. Cain sent me digging into my own memorabilia. Sifting through my photos of long ago yesterdays, right off I found what I was looking for; a “Smile and your beautiful,” posed shot of myself and the Senator; the one that pursued me, until I got really scared to say no, at least to have lunch. And a bit crazy, too when he began groping his way up my leg at a fancy Capitol Hill restaurant. Those were the days, weren’t they? The same as now with the exception that we women have come a long way; we’ve got sisterhood now; yeah for that woman power!

Nonetheless, it never has been easy, as you no doubt realize, to know what to do when you get phone calls from Capitol Hill, telling you to “Hold on please for Senator …..He will be on the line in just one moment.

My first husband and I came to Washington's Camelot for the light. Here I got sexually abused by that husband until finally I left. And, Camelot just kept getting darker and darker.

I started out real dumb. But I got smart. And as the years moved on, I left the fast track behind and I got onto that Washington game. Now I love it when women call the shots that’s how smart I am.

Bravo. Maybe tomorrow I’ll even scan that old picture to post here. Women's power can be so much fun.