Still struggling to settle my mind and my heart about the Harvey Weinstein scandal and all it has uprooted in me, this is what came to my mind in my morning meditations today.
Please feel free to offer your comments.
What if New Horizons expanded agenda for presenting storytelling and story “listening” workshops, geared to overcoming the day-to-day social polarization, included trying to bridge the gender gap?
I say “trying” purposefully, as attaining the goal of “winning” in the battle between the sexes still has its hidden war zone, almost everywhere. Thus even the hardest uphill climb, if successful, even moderately, might be considered a “win,” but not quite complete.
In fact, we are, often, grateful for those small “zones of peace” where women and men co-exist with unbridled equanimity and joy. My brief, personal story below certainly illustrates this.
Our successes are typically hard won in this often secret war, especially when strong emotions and sacred values are at issue. We have, however, over the years since the women’s movement moved into full swing in the late ‘60s and early ‘70s, made some strides.
Yet we are still, often reciprocally, seeing the opposite sex as the “other;” not unreservedly our friend.
I have been in an on again, off again relationship with a man to whom I was once married and still remain friends for going on thirty-two years! It took me, however, until just about a year ago to, finally, have a heart-to-heart, no holds barred conversation with him about how I had been managing my perception of his power-over me for all these years by selling myself out in ways that robbed me of peace and self-confidence.
Among other things, I, finally, got around to telling him that even the booming, powerful voice he has and the way he has, at times, diminished my intelligence has robbed me of the well-being I pretended to have with him. Since that talk, which we had a year ago this November, I have definitely felt stronger, more whole and even more loving, as I continue now to take risks and show myself as other than the people pleaser and harmony holder I have been portraying all these many years.
Do I feel totally liberated in this situation? Not yet. But I do feel myself growing. Still it’s been a hard won battle that the traditional power-over position of men in our culture sustained.
Imagine that! And I am a seasoned psychotherapist with more than forty years of experience in working with women’s empowerment issues and male-female relationships!
This example of mine is so typical. Too often, we women act as if we were of foreign cultures, different races or religions, from men, even when these are not the issue. Frequently we even forget that this secret war between men and women is ongoing.
So we come to have a truce with the opposite sex; a state of indulgent acceptance for one another, with unspoken features, where we give up fighting over what we decide might be small things in the whole scheme of life, even if the hurt and accompanying loss are great inside of us.
While, at the same time, as we are now seeing, again, we live in a state of not only seeing the opposite sex as the “other,” but in some instances believing that they are the “enemy.”
How else can it be, when someone has power over you, even if its subtle, when what you wish for most is power with?
Wouldn’t it be a relief if we could come a bit closer to feeling wonderful, both in and out of the bedroom?
But right now, one thing, if no other still is between us, though generally unspoken; the issue of the imbalance of power.
Could storytelling and story “listening,” especially at this volatile time of the gender gap tipping point, brought about by the high profile scandals of such as Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby and Roger Ailes, make a difference in this state of truce so familiar between the sexes, making, instead, a genuine peace?
Help move our culture forward?
Maybe not everywhere and with everyone, but with some folks, perhaps, we could make a few inroads.
Countless others, such as participants in the Compassionate Listening Project, beneficiaries of the Tunisian Dialogue Quartet, winners of the 2015 Nobel Peace Prize and the Canadian Truth and Reconciliation Commission, have built bridges of healing and reconciliation where even life-threatening divisions existed.
Why not American women and men?
The New Horizons Board of Directors and myself are inspired now to attempt this gender gap bridge building as part of our Storytelling Workshop Series project.
Possibly, today, we might be able to approach the effort with an enlightened perspective.
Building, as we might, on previous successes in this area, perhaps we could help more people, than previously to succeed at reaching the deepest yearnings for connection that lie, innately, in all of us. Our past efforts (1973 – 1998) impacted the lives of thousands of individuals, couples and families.
Why not now, again?
Back in the days of “old” New Horizons (1973 – 1998), we had winning in the “battle of the sexes” as an important priority. This, of course, made sense as I had started off my clinical training to, specifically, become a feminist therapist. Actually, I don’t think I even thought, at the time (1973), about working with men at all, or even with couples. That came a few years later when I began to realize that a woman's identity had everything to do with our bodies. the men with whom we related most closely, thus often involving our bodies, as well as our souls.
Initially, however, I thought only of how the scripting that accompanied being a woman downplayed many of our rights and, thus, our freedoms. Today I am replaying those early days of mine as a budding psychotherapist. And how entrenched I was, at the time, in supporting other women in being all they could be. But I was, also, still at the point of fortifying my own fullest sense of self.
Board member Sue pointed out this morning that what makes storytelling possible is story “listening.” No listeners, no real storytelling, except perhaps in one’s own head.
I hadn’t seen that angle until she suggested it. But once I began to wrap my mind around the notion – and the images it brought to mind, I began imagining how a blending of some of the key principles New Horizons holds as a base for our over-arching mission, building small “zones of peace” wherever and whenever, could be brought together to contribute some to this societal challenge; the dominance and oppression of women by men in positions of power.
Storytelling and story “listening” could likely assist in bridging the gender gap, dontcha think?
If the males we care about and who care about us would be willing to sit down with women and, first and foremost, listen to our tales of dominance and oppression with open minds and hearts.
What if this present tipping point, spotlighting as it does, the age-old issues of power imbalances and, thus, dominance and oppression of women by powerful men, could serve as the next gateway to helping all of us reach a higher vibration, among men and women, of genuine love and respect?
From some of what I read in the media today, it sounds as if some folks are now beginning to want to move into some kind of forward action out of this Harvey Weinstein scandal. It does get old rehashing the same drama, again and again, around the two week mark.
From reports, it sounds as if some feminist-leaning men are beginning to ask –
“What can we learn and how can we help the women to get past this horrific ordeal Harvey Weinstein’s outrageous behavior has surfaced?
I know I might be part of the problem, if I am not a part of the solution. Help me do better”The whole of this situation brought out into the open by Harvey Weinstein’s victims has brought New Horizons and myself back to the drawing board, once more. We see a potential for storytelling and story “listening” workshops and the skills they are geared to teaching and supporting to help this situation move up to a higher plane.
We will keep you updated as we research and discover how we best might proceed.
Imagine what it might look like, feel like and accomplish, if men that care, could sit down with us women, face-to-face, to hear our stories as part of an essential, healing dialogue.
In my imagination the men, also get equal time. But not before they can embrace, even a bit more than usual, what it feels like to be a woman overpowered physically, emotionally, financially or otherwise by men.
No debate allowed. Each woman's truth deserves the utmost respect, if for no other reason than that it belongs to her!
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