And that on the heels of also losing most of August too.
Thank goodness time was all we lost!
(Actually, truth be told, I did lose a pseudo-friend at the mis-event of August. She had only months earlier vowed to be my Forever Friend.
However, having lived a significant portion of my life in the spotlight and having known of hundreds, if not more, people to hitch themselves to my bandwagon, I hadn't believed her, at the time.
Thank goodness. My REAL friends are DEEP! She was apparently only SURFACE.
Too bad for her!
I'm one of those people whose surface when scratched can open doors to personal and collective transformation, communication. That's the pathway to truth -- and -- eventually awe!
Healing and reconciliation are key!
Lessons our current president and congress are incapable of doing.
Double too bad for her that she wanted only to scratch Anastasia's surface!
Now back to my original story ..
Illness has struck our tiny counterculture community in a near mortal way.
But thank G-d not covid!
Yet things have gotten life and death serious these past two months, behind the scenes at the New Horizons/Small “Zones Of Peace” (NH/ZOP) organization, starting not long after my 80th Birthday Celebration.
In early August Board Member, also my BFF, Sue, fell off a ladder breaking her arm. While she has been healing from that her husband, Paul, has been hospitalized close to forty days out of the last sixty!
Hit by daily crises, as we all are these days, coming at us from every angle, I find it hard to settle in to the reality that while Sue’s injury was not life threatening, the array of problems Paul is facing are.
Oh dear. Oh dear!
As I write this, I am struck by how distant I feel from my emotions at this moment. It’s all too much to be able to surface and integrate into full blown, multi-layered reality.
Just too much!
And then there are the California wildfires, burning again out of control. Board Member Terry and my godchildren, her son and daughter, are in the thick of the headlining fires today.
Just too much! Too much!
This is all so complicated and difficult, especially in this time of the pandemic, scary at times, today especially for Sue, as medical professionals cease to be at hand, now that Paul has been released again from the hospital, with Sue uncertain that bringing him home is the correct next step.
Last week Paul lasted only three days home before he was rushed back to the hospital emergency room, by ambulance, again, for the umpteenth time.
Has he been released prematurely, Sue wonders, because there is no room at the "inn," our local hospital due to covid? One can't help but wonder about such things, given circumstances.
At seventy-nine, he is at high risk for covid with a heart condition and a variety of other diseases that severely compromise his immune system. And, of course, Sue is still recovering from her injuries.
“But what about me, a little whiny voice whimpers quietly inside of ME,” not wanting to be heard above the crisis-laden commotion hovering over Paul – and Sue?
And, what about New Horizons/Small “Zones of Peace” where Sue is second in command and totally irreplaceable?
Is this co-dependency nagging at me, evoking the whiney me inside?
I hope not!
Interdependent is quite enough dependent for me who has spent most of my life as an ANTI-DEPENDENT.
Heaven forbid I should actually really, truly want something from someone else, want to wholly rely on another person!
Lean on someone enough to say “Hey, she (and he) are not doing well right now and I don’t know how to be all ok without them – my adopted family.”
“Hey. Hey. Our organization, like all known others, is only as strong as its weakest link and a BIG LINK in our chain is pretty weak right now.”
I guess so am I -- resilient yet weakened by too much stress, if normal functioning would be the high bar I wish reach.
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