Yesterday, a
familiar-seeming face in a photograph of one of the “special to CNN”
contributors drew my attention.
Something about that face startled me. Almost hauntingly, throughout the
day, the picture kept coming back to me.
Then it struck me; the face in the photograph was my mother’s,
or almost so!
Confirming my hunch that this woman was, indeed, my first
cousin, once removed, granddaughter of my mother’s sister, I wondered, once
again, at the magic and mystery of life. This was, undeniably, a long lost cousin!
Having, within hours, only just finished doing a radio show
on my newly presented “Lean In Legacy Template,” now, I was face-t0-face, via
the internet, with an heiress to the major source of what had been generations
of family cutoffs. Here was a carrier, albeit in innocence, of a legacy of family
disconnectedness, continuing to this day.
Seeing this living, breathing symbol of the “Cut-off Legacy”
of my own family; my first cousin, once removed, who I had neither seen nor
spoken to in more years than I care to remember, uprooted a cache of stored
memories and emotions, primarily sorrow at the loss.
On the heels of introducing my well-articulated antithesis to disconnectedness of every variety, here was a living representative of the
challenge I had built my life upon to dispel; polarization, be it familial,
cultural or political.
Grounded in denial and lies, conspiratorial alliances had
managed, to the best of my knowledge, to produce a family tree, rife with the
poison of polarization, mired in the kinds of dysfunction that marks our
country today, especially in the political arena and international affairs. A
toxin so widespread it left no one unmarked in an extended family of hundreds,
bringing about as much as one hundred years of heartache.
In a family abundant in doctors, lawyers, and other high
profile careers and plentiful in prominence and money, as well as a scandal or
two, a secret war of collusions, distrust and disconnect had managed to
proliferate. While, at the same time, family members acted as if nothing at all
was amiss; denial was viral in my family.
Wondering, once again, at the illusions we had lived by,
upon seeing this familial reminder of that past, brought, now, into the
present, my mind turned to contemplation on the facts, as I knew them.
Among them was that this relative of mine, albeit unknowingly,
on her part, was from the faction of my family most rooted in the cutting off that
had plagued our family. Given to a healthy respect, as I am, for synchronicity,
my next thoughts turned to what I might do with this unexpected intrusion into
my day of pleasure regarding the introduction, through my radio show, of my
“Lean In Legacy Template.”
Now what, I asked myself? Was I being given a message guiding
me to my next “b’shrt” moment (b’shrt meaning “destiny” in Yiddish/Hebrew)? Was
it b’shrt that I lean in to this cousin of mine as my next step in my quest for
family unity?
Considering this possibility, I consulted with trusted
friends, tossed my I Ching coins, did a new Tarot card reading and contemplated
further.
No, I told myself, my golden moment for leaning in, again,
to my family was not quite yet. I belonged, for now, at a maintained distance
until a gentle portal, or a rational one, based on a quest for truth, higher
consciousness and compassion might open.
In the meantime, at least, I now knew where to find a
missing – and – missed family member; a public online profile and a web site.
I might seek these out when it was time.
Meanwhile, I would continue waiting and watching, remaining
on the periphery, on the edges. And, do
my best to contribute my own legacy; a lean in legacy, as my prescribed
antidote to our family’s discord.
I would know when it was time -- and -- how for me to take the next steps
toward my family, again.
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