Storytelling And The Making Of Lemonade Out Of Lemons

I am having an amazing after effect from my story telling experience on yesterday's Anastasia The Storyteller Radio Show, with a program titled, “Exploring “Empty” And “Full” On The Way To Freedom From Gender Tyranny.” 

Steve, my co-host, who is quite the best possible ally for me in doing this program, helped me achieve, only one day later, a sense of having the softest velvet feeling running all through my inner being this morning.

Without Steve, my end of presenting that show would have been cold and empty. With him, as I heard our unfolding dialogue, listening to the podcast, 3x already since we went off the air, the alchemical magic of turning the inner leaden feeling of emotional pain and distress that had been weighting me down, as it did after our last show, “Coping When #MeToo Hits You,” was transmuted into the refinement of gold  and being uplifted.

WOW!! 

Notice my words. They are a lot about "empty" and "full" and how those two elements make a whole lot of difference in how we are in the world.

A day later, I am truly amazed at how "full" I feel and how markedly different this is from the emotional emptiness I experienced after that last show, “Coping When #MeToo Hits You.”

Anastasia The Super Sleuth (Me) is now readying herself to investigate this wonderful phenomenon, regarding how a simple, but not so easy, broadcast telling of bits and pieces of my story, drawn out by my sensitive and gifted co-host, Steve, could have brought this magic about.

Anastasia The Storyteller Radio, along with our sponsor, the New Horizons Small "Zones of Peace" Project, in real time, is presently dedicating itself to becoming a platform for storytelling, story listening and weaving the two together; the telling and the listening of stories, making the importance of the weaving a meaningful, interactive experience, not only for me, but also for future guests. 

Yesterday’s radio show broadcast event gave that to me, a brief yet momentous experience, in the form of my having had a transformative occurrence from sharing pieces of a very personal story of mine.

The experience, beginning after the fact of the broadcast, is still in the early stages of unfolding in me.  But WOW!!

How do I know this is transpiring in me? 

Well, personal transformation is my business! 

Shaman that I am, I am familiar with consciousness-changing experiences and how they alter and re-frame our views of self, others, situations, life-course and so forth.  When we can share these with others -- now you're talking about, potentially, reaching for awe.

In fact, what is happening for me – and now continuing, out of my experience doing yesterday’s show with Steve, is already prompting a review and an expansion in the vision New Horizons and myself hold for our commitment to our Beyond Gender Tyranny Initiative and how we see storytelling and story listening playing central roles in where we are heading with it.

Such manifestations of thinking differently and creating new products or projects are a part of the reward!  I love that! Don’t you?

I’ll be back soon with more details as our adventure unfolds on this end. 

Before I do that, I am off to enjoy the sunshine of this beautiful day, after a bitter cold Thanksgiving. 

However, one thing I can say, right off, it was the storytelling, the story listening and the interactions woven throughout that did it for me, helping me turn lemons into lemonade!

Anastasia Taking One More Big Step In The Direction Of Healing

What helped me so much?

This past weekend I did one of the things I do best, played GAME Mistress/Master/Conductor at New Horizons "new" Truth Or Dare GAME. 

This one, exclusively for Board Members.  

Open to the general public, coming soon!  Look for details.

Here is the story.

Even snow-covered mountain roads could not keep us apart!

When Bob Woodward Suggested, As Reported In These Headlines...

The article referenced below, in the original blog post article, is --

“Woodward attacks CNN for suing The White House saying media figures have become 'emotionally unhinged'

Links under construction. 

Also please excuse that the text of this article is a bit choppy in expression as I now try to find better words than previously for perspectives I have been struggling to express.

Update, January 19, 2018: 

I have been troubled by what I wrote in the article below, right from the start.

I knew I had something important to say that had its origins in what I learned from how I processed Watergate, over time, especially as I integrated my intuitive knowing with that which Marty Groder, my psychiatrist mentor, taught me about evil.

At first I tried to explain myself in an intended follow up, still unpublished, blog titled "The Goddess Is Alive And Magic Is Afoot." 

The theme of that piece was to be based on my belief, grounded in many years of research, along with professional and personal experience, dealing with the Dark Side, that the "unhingedness" Woodward was addressing was very much a product of a male-orientation to handling the frightening chaos Trump has been creating and spreading throughout our country since his election to office. 

And the ensuing sense of powerlessness it was breeding.

Now Nancy Pelosi, in her astuteness to using good, sound feminine logic, the type developed instinctively in women, who are and have been mothers, brings that thinking of mine into a new kind of "reality television," the kind we are seeing, over the past few days, growing out of her level of feminine-based, creative problem solving.  

(It also helps a woman to have a powerful role model in her father, as she did. And as I have had through my father and Marty Groder. 

Not that these men do/did not, necessarily, have their own masculine blind spot limitations or male aggression, but that, as in my case, they knew how to blend it with much else to be admired.

It is worth my mention here that in spite of the harm Marty caused me there is still, when all is told, reason to forgive and admire him.)

An article today on NBC, "Trump May Have Some Moves, But Pelosi Knows Them All," gets to the core of what I've been thinking and wanting to better express than I could in the original article below -- meaning that when the Goddess is alive, magic is afoot.

Now, thanks to Nancy Pelosi's magnificent leadership skill, much maligned in the press, interestingly, so far mainly by male commentators who, apparently, cannot see outside the masculine-thinking box of black-white, the Pandora's box in my mind, has, at last, been opened, freeing me to speak more articulately of what I have been struggling to express about how when the Goddess comes alive, magic is afoot.

Look for my unfolding of these perspectives of mine, originally learned at the hands of a Master in dealing with the Dark Side, Martin G. Groder, M.D., a man who believed in evil and knew it from the inside out, on my Exploring Your Dark Side: The Adventure Of A Lifetime blog site. 

Congratulations to Nancy Pelosi who has been described in one article I read as engaged in King Kong meeting Godzilla which should more aptly be titled King Kong meets Goddess-Zilla, to my mind.

“Woodward attacks CNN for suing The White House saying media figures have become 'emotionally unhinged'

....I immediately resonated with Woodward's thinking here. 

I, too, had watched, though not on the front lines, analyzed the Watergate scandal in its unfolding, was, personally touched by it and had  taken many a lesson from it, especially about how "unhinged" the natives can get when the Big Chief in the White House and his warriors are in chaos and unable to lead us well.

So it was a short leap for me, yesterday, to yearn to expand on those astute words of Woodward's and express what I thought about going beyond the, apparent, in Woodward's estimation, frenzied insanity of the media folks he was addressing, to incorporate the many others (myself not so often, yet frequently fearful) who are presently “unhinged,” since Trump got elected and our country seems to have lost its bearings.

Next I tied Woodward's comment to the next big agenda on tap at New Horizons, creating a movement of compassionate truth speakers as an antithesis to the craziness around us. 

Wouldn't it be nice?

What this next period is to be about, for New Horizons, we do not yet know. 

It is anticipated, however, to be a time, at New Horizons, where we return to the basics that made us well-known, if not infamous, in the Washington, D.C. area, in the days before I lost my eyesight, systematically confronting and transforming the Dark Side in ourselves and our close relationships.

We will be role models, if nothing else, while we do our best to shift the culture (the small "zones of peace") around us, calling ourselves the Truth Squad, pledged to create small “zones of peace” everywhere we go, up against the dark side of the society and politics surrounding us now.

Again, how we are to do this, specifically, we do not yet know. However, speaking truth to power, strategically, as we are now seeing Nancy Pelosi do is what we call heroism!

The New Horizon's Small "Zones of Peace" Mission

To educate and train individuals and groups to create Small “Zones Of Peace” wherever they go wherein violence, deceit and denial will ultimately become obsolete. 

Of course our agenda is enormous, our efforts sure to be a drop in the bucket, but we can, at least, aspire to make some kind of difference, a much better endeavor than doing nothing, being "unhinged" or adding to the chaos!

Please do your part to get on board with this massive agenda!

Remove any signs of being unhinged and acting crazed by what is going on around you!

Find your own personal high road!

Here are some things we, at New Horizons, are focusing on. 

Begin by...

1.  Utilizing these two inventories, “Where Is Your Compassionate Warrior Hiding” and Survival Driven Behaviors,  as guideposts to find out where your “Dark Side Is Hiding,” 

2. Give up getting yourself “emotionally unhinged” about the chaos in our society and politics, replacing that inclination with a walk in the woods, a stroll by a stream or watching a sunset; 

3.  Join or create a great support network of like-minded others who are seeking an enhanced community life, rather than getting caught up in politicians and even do-good celebrities. Use this as a base to help you do your part to contribute to our world affairs, not destroy it; 

4. Point your finger at and your gaze on yourself and reach for the highest realms in your relationships that you can attain; 

5. Join Steve and I for our radio show broadcasts to put in your two cents, or more, on the subject of how you are coping with the chaos, #MeToo or otherwise.

Check Out Important Update

A new era has now taken hold at New Horizons, based on recent happenings.

Please check out update on Surviving In The U.S.A., Circa 2016+.

Look for more details as the arise. -- keep your eyes open for the magic!!

If I Tell You What Lies Deepest Inside Of Me ....

If I tell you that which lies deepest inside of me and you do not respond in a manner that tells me you see me, as I am truly, our potential for human bonding may be lost.

Then what?  Why did I do this? What difference did it make? For me? For you?

I am rarely interested in idle chatter or have time for it. So what's next?

At New Horizons that kind of soul-searching arose in me last week, prompting a surprising turn of events, especially as I am the head of the organization. 

Believing that I have an important tale to tell, for you and others, I knew I needed to share my story from which I trust there are vital lessons to be gleaned, especially for anyone coming up against organizational obstacles when making #MeToo--related complaints, in the workplace, in academia, even in churches and synagogues and so forth.

Thus the situation of my recent storytelling, ushered in a shift in priorities, at New Horizons, bringing formerly unspoken intentions of mine to the fore, following my last broadcast on Anastasia The Storyteller Radio in a program titled “Coping When #MeToo Hits You."  In fact there were objectives and needs that I discovered in the doing that I did not even know I had.

On that show, I had, for the very first time, come out from behind the shadows that had been keeping me hidden from the motion and flow of life as it was happening post-Harvey Weinstein.

I had finally gotten, on that broadcast, my chance to begin telling the full story behind my Ethics Complaint -- and even more distressing, in present time, my daunting experiences with the Ethics Committee of the International Transactional Analysis Association.

Steve, my radio show co-host and I had designed a program that would focus on me.  It was a wonderfully fulfilling show, as he and I went through our steps on the broadcast, with Steve being an almost ideal support. 

Listening to the podcast several times, as I eventually did, was exciting and liberating for me.

But then something happened and like a drifting hot air balloon losing its wind, I began to sink.

What had happened, for me, after the high, we are still sorting out, my board members and myself. 

However, what we quickly came to see is that my storytelling on that broadcast, coupled with what occurred inside of me in doing it and interactively with them, in the aftermath, was about to turn the priorities of the two New Horizons-sponsored radio shows, Anastasia The Storyteller Radio and The Possible Society In Motion, into a kind of reversal, in order to move forward.

The saga of Dr. Christina Blasey Ford, testifying in public, during a Senate Judiciary hearing, that Brett Kavanaugh, a Supreme Court nominee, had sexually assaulted her as a teenager, comes to mind.

Where is Dr. Ford now?

How is she faring, after publicly telling her story?

According to reports she has had to move four times since she came forward and is still getting death threats, requiring protective security for her family and herself.

What is life like, now, for Dr. Ford? 

And for the tens of thousands, perhaps millions of other women who have elected to come out, recently, from behind the shadows of their own carefully concealed stories of sexual harassment and abuse and power-over exploitation?

We do not all need to make the news, write books or go on nationwide television, as Dr. Ford stresses she does not wish to do.

But we all do need to feel heard with compassion and respectfully acknowledged and to receive back some semblance of knowing that our pain and distress were noticed, that our stories matter, that our experiences matter. 

And, that what we have so painfully revealed might touch someone's heart, inspire them or even make a difference in helping someone and/or somehow help to better our world.

From my own brief experience on that radio show broadcast and its aftermath, I found myself tuning in to something I have been aware of since last year when Ronan Farrow’s New Yorker expose of Harvey Weinstein was published; a disheartening sense, arising over the backlash and controversy this and other similar stories have elicited.

Certainly there have been frivolous, vindictive and vengeful misuses of the platform the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements have created. 

However, for those of us, such as myself, who are merely needing the relief of which Dr. Maya Angelou spoke in the quote below –

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you. 

there are many layers of need.

What I learned from, at last, beginning to open up publicly on “Coping When MeToo Hits You” is that--

Storytelling is not enough!

Just as fierceness is not enough, loud voices in the news or in protests are not enough --- to bring about the healing that survivors need.  

At some very basic level, a much quieter, more subtle response is needed in response to our telling our stories, be it from a therapist, a clergy person, a friend, family member, a support group or a stranger.

A personal recognition from somewhere in the collective consciousness that can help the healing advance in a place where our humanity meets, person-to-person.

If not, what you get is something like this –

"With my telling you this story that I have long kept hidden, I have given you all that I am and have from the deepest parts of me. 

But my telling, my speaking out, is not enough to bridge the vast separations that frequent our daily lives and that are so damaging and damning. 

Not enough to create that richest of human interactions -- intimacy. 

Without that quality I am left hungering for that which I know exists somewhere, a certain something that brings with it a sense of aliveness like no other. 

Having known this other times in my life, I seek it now again, wanting you, my friend, to be in it with me." 

Realizing the general prevalence of this state of affairs, separation and isolation, rather than a greater connectivity, from now having taken my first steps into my own public sharing, the outcome, at New Horizons, resulted in a shift in our priorities.

Our revitalized intent is now to help our listeners and followers to develop the art, not only of storytelling, but also the arts of: 1. Story listening and, then 2. Interactive storytelling. 

(Interactive storytelling might be described as a process wherein storytelling prompts, first, story listening and then a deepening conversation between two or more parties. 

No debate only dialogue/meaningful, consciousness-raising conversation! 

Nothing less! This is how you can get to awe, if you are so inclined.)

There is so much more to this outcome, now in the works, that has been derived from our last radio show broadcast!

Much more behind it than I can yet say, as the reasoning and the significance of what occurred are still obscure.

However, one thing is certain, the magic of human connectivity, at its best, is what we are after, at New Horizons!

So it has now become clear to us, though we are not yet certain how to best proceed, it is not only in storytelling or story listening but interactive story telling where the magic lies. 

The kind of magic we viewed in the closing scene of Avatar that captured millions of hearts when  the words -- 

“I see you”

-- were so impactfully spoken.

That is the quality New Horizons and myself are going to be after on Anastasia The Storyteller, a kind of responsiveness to telling our stories that everyone who has the courage to speak out can fill up on.

On the air that might sound like --

 “I hear you with my heart and mind.”

Here is the magic New Horizons is after. 

We hope you will help us attain it.

On The Power Of Storytelling In The Excavating Of Our Humaness

Question: Why do I offer these thoughts now?

Answer: Because every day, as I attempt to put my life aright, with my Ethics Complaint no longer draining my life energies, I become more and more aware that it is the telling of my stories and the listening back to the stories of others that is bringing me the greatest amount of healing, day-by-day.

From Ceremony 
by Leslie Marmon Silko

Bridging The Gender Gap

"I will tell you something about stories (he said) 

They aren't just entertainment. 

Don't be fooled.

They are all we have, you see, all we have to fight off illness and death. 

You don't have anything if you don't have the stories."

And, so it is at New Horizons, the non-profit organization of which I am the Executive Director and Founder – storytelling is a vehicle for, even, aiding both men and women to overcome the polarization of today’s #MeToo divisiveness.

Storytelling can be with anyone and everyone, anywhere and everywhere.

It's next of kin is dialogue.

We are desperately in need of these. 

Try them, as a steady diet, and learn to love the art of storytelling, the art of beautiful relating, the art of living in awe.

Anastasia, Coming Out From Behind The Shadows Of #MeToo Traumas

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Note: November 7, 2018.

The piece I have written below has been one of my most liberating because in it I am opening the curtain to a troubling ordeal that I have, by necessity, due to legal constraints, held back.

However, when I review what I have written I feel troubled by it. To me I sound victimy, whiney and blaming, none of which are my essential nature.

I think this must be because the circumstances are still quite fresh and far from resolved and integrated, emotionally, spiritually or practically.

As a reader of my blogs I hope you will accept these limitations in what I am sharing here and in future blog articles on the topic of my recent Ethics Complaints.

I write and share with you, my readers, with the hope of contributing, from my experiences and viewpoints, words that can somehow serve.

My Ethics Complaint ordeals, however, have been like nothing I have ever experienced before. Thus I am stumbling and clumsy, I think, in my efforts to share.

Please bear with me as I come to terms with all of this, continuing to present myself as transparently as possible while still quite jagged from it all.

With gratitude, Anastasia

Dear Reader,

Please listen and carefully, if you be so kind, to “Coping When #MeToo Hits You,” now on podcast. 

Draw from what Steve and I offer to inspire your personal sharing and support mine, and find out, if you do not yet know, the healing power of storytelling and story listening. 

This would be so much appreciated. 

I am now beginning to take my first small steps to share the details of the, heretofore obscured, yet horrific, ordeal I have recently undergone. However my doing this is not without hesitation and trepidation. 

Storytelling, in order to be healing, needs story listening with caring, compassion and respect.  I wish this for you and for me, knowing, as I do, the healing power of storytelling and story listening, done with care and compassion. 

So please come into the conversation with Steve and I, as we move forward, with #MeToo storytelling on Anastasia The Storyteller Radio and our Beyond Gender Tyranny Online Course on The Possible Society In Motion Radio.

At the top of the list of stressors, for me, throughout the ten months of my ITAA (International Transactional Analysis Association) Ethics Committee traumatic process was that not even five minutes, in all those months, was ever spent with even one, single, person-to-person exchange, acknowledging or inquiring into the emotional shock and upset I was undergoing, re-discovering my long-buried, long-term sexual harassment and power abuse experiences!

Imagine that!

NOT EVEN FIVE MINUTES! 

NOT EVEN ONE TIME IN TEN LONG, HARROWING MONTHS, DID A SINGLE PERSON ASK ME HOW I WAS “FEELING” ABOUT THIS HORRIFIC FINDING OF MINE!! 

Instead they constantly imposed undue pressures on me; almost all of which was dealt with, from the very first, solely by email and having to do with their organizational needs, with almost nil having to do with me. (Who, with integrity, compassion and respect deals with a sexual/power abuse/harassment by email, I ask you?!!!)

By the time I was fired and quit, I had accumulated over 100 pages of email correspondence from this without having had one full conversation about me!

Even after I asked, almost pleading for someone in the organization, any one, to pay attention to the fact that I was in pain, my words fell on deaf ears.

NOPE!! Not even one time!

Nonetheless I am free now, at last, of this allegedly I’m O.K., You’re O.K., letting-go of Games People Play, mental-health organization.

So it was, with great joy and not a little apprehension, yesterday on the New Horizons-sponsored Anastasia The Storyteller Radio Show, on a broadcast titled Coping When #MeToo Hits You, drawn forth by deep-digging questions from Steve, New Horizons Board Member and my show co-host, I began stepping out, publicly, about the horrific ordeal I have been caught up in, with TWO Ethics Complaint; not only the one with which I began, but a second, against the Ethics Committee itself!

Buyer Beware! 

If you are a U.S.A. TA  (Transactional Analysis) trained survivor of sexual exploitation, on U.S. soil, as I am, you will have no recourse for what you have endured. Their loop holes will protect them but not you. Details available.

OMG!!  Not a pretty picture!

But yesterday I made a beginning!

Finally with Steve in the “super sleuth" role, I began taking my first steps of speaking openly about my original Ethics Complaint for sexual harassment and power abuse by a world prominent TA mentor of mine. 

I will, at last, reveal freely his name on December 22, the one year anniversary of my horrific experience of trying to right wrongs done to me many years ago. Why I have kept his name silent for so long will be understandable then too.

Surmounting obstacles, but now only from within, here I go!

“Anastasia, Coming Out From Behind The Shadows Of #MeToo Ordeals,” I ask that you please join in conversation with me, male or female, victim or perpetrator, friend, family or bystander. 

You can contact me here. 

Or join Steve and I on our radio show broadcasts on either one or both of our two #MeToo-focused online radio shows:

• Anastasia The Storyteller Radio
• The Possible Society In Motion Radio: The Beyond Gender Tyranny Online Course

Anastasia Is Beginning To Feel Happy Again, Yeah!

If you’ve been following the saga of my Ethics Complaint ordeal I bet you’ll be pleased to know I am beginning to be happy again!

The hammering on my head has stopped, relieving the corresponding pounding going on inside of me. 

I am soooo relieved to be free of it all, at last!

Yes, I took a bit of a beating. But I believe, at this point, that I gave as good as I got and better!

I’ll tell you about that, in due time!

So I am coming away wiser, more resilient and better than ever to captain the New Horizons Small “Zones Of Peace” Project and its newest initiative Beyond Gender Tyranny. 

How much more knowledgeable and skillful at handling the dark side of personal #MeToo offenders and organizational b.s. do you think a professional coach/consultant can get than a female #MeToo survivor, coming out on top, against all odds! 

That’s what “super sleuthing” is about!

Want to find out more about this high wave I’m riding?

Listen in and call in at:  646.564.9608 to my forthcoming radio show broadcast, with my co-host and New Horizons Board Member, Steve –

Coping When #MeToo Hits You

Sunday, November 4 11:30 a.m.

-- to hear how I’ve managed this incredible feat, liberation and happiness, up against an inordinately trying #MeToo ordeal.

Our show description goes like this:

Anastasia and co-host, Steve, follow up their most recent Beyond Gender Tyranny Online Course show on the theme of “Managing The Chaos Of Lives Run Amuck,” with Steve interviewing Anastasia on the subject of how she, personally, has been coping with a #MeToo-related ordeal.

For starters, if you are wondering how my vastly increased happiness came about, check out this story “Perks For Board Members: New Horizons Truth Or Dare GAME.” That story covers the highlights of what brought me, just this past week, to feeling a bit like my old self that I really like, pre-Ethics Complaint issues. 

Maybe, even a bit like pre-blindness 1998!
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New Horizons Board Members Truth Or Dare GAME of last Saturday, along with the support and community re-building that went with it, did it for me! 

In particular the post- GAME telephone support helped me to feel more like my old self than I have in all these past months. All combined gave me what I needed to start coming back to my normal and beyond!

Imagine that! 

For the first time in all these many months of dealing with the ITAA (International Transactional Analysis Association) Ethics Committee (EC), at the GAME I experienced myself as functioning in  a fully congruent reality that I was able to take with me after and have it settle into my daily life. 

If ever there was an antidote to crazy-making and chaos, New Horizons Truth Or Dare GAME sure gave it to me, lining me up, along with other board members in attendance, living the truth of these words of Gandhi –

Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony.

The whole of that GAME was liberating, refreshing, revitalizing and awesome for me! 

Like coming home for the holidays can be when love and good cheer is abundant.

You absolutely can’t beat that kind of happiness, in my book. 

For the second time (the first time was last month) I was hanging out with a group of people, albeit a small one, who are truly committed to being compassionate, caring, devoted to transparency, accountability, truth and reality and discount-free relating. 

At New Horizons we call that a small "zone of peace"!!

That’ll do it for me, every time!

Top of the line!

I hope you will want to seek out New Horizons Truth Or Dare GAME for yourself -- and -- bring your friends, when we begin extending guest invitations. 

I don't know anyone who couldn't use a bit of practice with telling, hearing and managing the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth in relationships, if  quality is what you are after, especially in this day and age.

In the meantime, read a bit about last Saturday’s GAME here.