Former Anti-Semitic, Recovering Jewish American Princess

Returning to my "tribe" and to my blogs.

(Also see New Horizons Small "Zones Of Peace" Project.)

Seeking "elegant solutions" and how can I/we now best contribute.

My working formula -- a balancing act.

1, Defining who and what I am for myself and others;

2. Discovering the best ways for me to be true to myself (and my values) -- and -- to others;

3. Seeking ways to be true to myself, kind and generous to others --- and handle myself in a non-reactive manner.

Seeking elegant solutions.

A work in progress.

More to come.

The Essence Of Awe

Immersing myself fully in the rituals and prayers of the Jewish New Year for the first time as I have not done in decades, I re-discovered that the "Days of Awe' and the "Days of Repentance" are the same days.

Awe = Repentance (and compassion and forgiveness (and all other of life's holiest and most beautiful gifts).

L'shana tova -- May we all be inscribed in the book of the Lord for a good year to come.

Because "The Cycles of My Healing Journey" are rooted in my Jewish heritage and the healing and wholeness I have learned in this way, I offer them here in completed form by way of celebrating the Jewish New Year, 5771.

The Cycles of My Healing Journey -- Complete (Parts 1 - 3)

by Anastasia Rosen-Jones, New Horizons Executive Director and Founder (Copyright permission -- courtesy of New Horizons Support Network, Inc. Reprinted from “The Voice Of the New Horizons Support Network” Vol: 2, Number 1, January – April, 2000)

Many of us, today, finding ourselves standing on the threshold of a new era, the 21st Century, are reviewing the past, present and future more conscientiously than, perhaps, ever before.

For me, the process of doing healing work has as its normal structure the implementing of reviews on a regular basis such as are currently being signaled by the new millennium. A healing process such as I am suggesting here begins with the identification of some kind of obstruction in the way of experiencing joy, fullness and the well being of one”s Essence.

From this starting point of recognition, the healing process adventurer begins a descent much like a deep sea diver into the very depths of the psyche, moving down through layers of defense: anger, terror and gut wrenching pain until at last the Essence is retrieved.

This is the sought after treasure that has been buried on the floor of the sea. Much to our delighted surprise, the rediscovery of the Essence carries with it even greater treasure than itself alone. With its resurfacing, a powerful sense of enlightenment, almost a jolt of knowingness, the experience of one’s Higher Self and a vast Cosmic Consciousness accompanies the cycle’s completion.

At this point the, the healing process journeyer is aware of the cycle’s culmination, accompanied by a significant shift into a state of well being. A powerful release of energy, formerly bound up, is now free for the individual to employ in new and creative ways.

I periodically find myself called to enter a healing cycle beginning with a significant loss or a major life transition that evokes a review of my past and present circumstances. The completion of such cycles, which have taken me anywhere from 1 months to five years of healing and cleansing, is generally marked by a definitive sense of rebirth.

The process offers me the necessary signposts for identifying the next steps I must take on my forward path of conscious evolution. This work creates not only an emotional and spiritual transformation, but also brings about significant physical changes down to the cellular level in my body.

The first time I set aside a period of time for healing of this type was after my father’s death in July, 1976. Guided by the wisdom of my stepmother, the journey was structured to comply somewhat with Jewish mourning rituals.

With additional guidance from one of my Transactional Analyst Clinical Trainers, Reverend Jim Morgan, I integrated what I was learning about confronting psychological obstacles with Jewish traditions (for mourning).

Little did I realize at the time I began that my efforts to manage the unexpected death of my father, my life’s hero, would transform my life forever more.

I began my most recent systematic review around Labor Day, 1999 following a corneal transplant. The events of the past year had created enough upheaval to signal the need for me to enter a cycle of attention focused on a major body-mind-spiritual healing and cleansing. From the onset, I committed myself to completing this in-depth passage by December 31, 2000.

Not everyone will choose to take the afforded opportunity of life altering situations for personal transformation. The choice to proceed on an “Adventure of A Lifetime” is a vary personal one with many influencing factors.

Having been exposed to severe loss and tragedy, beginning at the early age of seven, I saw the debilitating results of incomplete healing work that accrued in my family, following the birth and death of my baby sister.

When I finally discovered the advantages that could be gained by an in-depth healing of losses, I knew I would never again fall victim to having the joy of life disturbed indefinitely as a result of pulling back from a passage that ultimately could transform my losses into lessons and gifts.

Reflections, Day 9: Days of Awe, Days of Repentance

Eve of Yom Kippur

A note to my parents.

After I wrote my story of "Mom's" introduction to my new pagan identity of decades ago -- a wave of sadness came over me (so go the Days of Awe (and Repentance).

A piece of incomplete repentance due my Mom.

I was a challenge to her as the new bride of my father. And, ever after I'm sure.

This I've known, it seems, forever.

But now with more understanding and compassion than previously. I hadn't -- though -- until this moment felt the remorse of seeing in part -- how much sorrow it must have brought her.

And, the other elders of my family.

To see their next generation being so changed by the American way of life.

To havc seen people being tortured and murdered for a way of life -- their own -- and a heritage that the next generation -- mine -- could toss aside, as if almost a joke.

My pagan altar must have cut deeply into that place in my mom's mind, body and soul that remembered needing to hide the practices of Jewish traditions in a Shanghai, Jewish refugee camp (1939 -- 1945).

For my disregard, disrespect and insensitivity to that reality, up against my struggles to find me, I am sorry, Mom. Very sorry!

Somewhere there is a quiet resting place where the journey of immigrant Americans and assimilated Americans find healing and peace.

Maybe we are already there -- in "awe," Mom.

It was what you did with me my whole life after you came into it -- talk, have endless conversations.

That's what both you and Dad taught me! Conversations!

Now I teach that to others, Mom.

Talk things out!

Everything!

For always!

And, hold to your dignity and principles with it.

Simple, but not so easy.

Thanks Mom and Dad!

Only when and where we failed to take this action did things ever go awry.

I'll keep passing it on.

You taught me well; the secret to building "zones of peace," even if it takes a long, long time.

I'm just sorry it took me so long to learn.

The Cycles of My Personal Healing Process

Day 8 Part 3 of 3 parts (Copyright permission -- courtesy of New Horizons Support Network, Inc.Reprinted from “The Voice Of the New Horizons SupportNetwork” Vol: 2, Number 1, January – April, 2000)

I began my most recent systematic review around Labor Day, 1999 following a corneal transplant. The events of the past year had created enough upheaval to signal the need for me to enter a cycle of attention focused on a major body-mind-spiritual healing and cleansing. From the onset, I committed myself to completing this in-depth passage by December 31, 2000.

Not everyone will choose to take the afforded opportunity of life altering situations for personal transformation. The choice to proceed on an “Adventure of A Lifetime” is a vary personal one with many influencing factors. Having been exposed to severe loss and tragedy, beginning at the early age of seven, I saw the debilitating results of incomplete healing work that accrued in my family, following the birth and death of my baby sister.

When I finally discovered the advantages that could be gained by an in-depth healing of losses, I knew I would never again fall victim to having the joy of life disturbed indefinitely as a result of pulling back from a passage that ultimately could transform my losses into lessons and gifts.

The end.

The Cycles of My Personal Healing Process

Day 7 Part 2 of 3 parts
(Copyright permission -- courtesy of New Horizons Support Network, Inc.
Reprinted from “The Voice Of the New Horizons Support Network” Vol: 2, Number 1, January – April, 2000)

I periodically find myself called to enter a healing cycle beginning with a significant loss or a major life transition that evokes a review of my past and present circumstances.

The completion of such cycles, which have taken me anywhere from 1 months to five years of healing and cleansing, is generally marked by a definitive sense of rebirth. The process offers me the necessary signposts for identifying the next steps I must take on my forward path of conscious evolution. This work creates not only an emotional and spiritual transformation, but also brings about significant physical changes down to the cellular level in my body.

The first time I set aside a period of time for healing of this type was after my father’s death in July, 1976. Guided by the wisdom of my stepmother, the journey was structured to comply somewhat with Jewish mourning rituals. With additional guidance from one of my Transactional Analyst Clinical Trainers, Reverend Jim Morgan, I integrated what I was learning about confronting psychological obstacles with Jewish traditions (for mourning). Little did I realize at the time I began that my efforts to manage the unexpected death of my father, my life’s hero, would transform my life forever more. (To be continued.)

Reflections Day 6: How Our Local Jewish/Muslim Controvery Ended For Me

 "The Middle East Crisis In My Backyard"

After I posted my last blog, I pondered where to go next with my story. I decided to go to the end of it -- for now. Later, I can go back and tell more, as it becomes relevant for the purpose here; to provide something of value; lessons from which to learn.

That’s what storytelling offers. Insight!

So, how – in summary did it; the time of controversy end for me”?

Overall: Sorrow.

Jews versus Jews; Jews rejecting Muslims; Jews, pretending nothing was happening (like the emperor has no clothes); Jews isolating themselves from the greater community, dominantly Christian.

Polarization. Not good.

There was some progress on all sides. Great as first steps. Enough to save face -- and -- make a start.

Every step forward counts as a worthwhile endeavor. Not to be minimized.

Where there was silence – doing nothing -- it was -- is -- not without cost.

So let’s not do that one again!

Learn from the past and keep stepping forward so that someday we reach that place of “awe.”

My biggest lessons:

1. Jews cannot afford to be divided, if the true vision of a Jewish homeland is to be achieved. (Herzl The King: The Founder of Modern Israel, Norman Kotker, Chas. Scribner’s Sons, 1972)

2. Americans cannot be polarized and keep our peace secure! What’s my part? What can I do?

3. Conversation is an art to be treasured!

The Middle East Crisis In My Backyard (Excerpt)

by M. Anastasia Rosen-Jones with Marge Hulburt

How It Began For Me

In August, 2006, against a background of the wars in Iraq and the Middle East, a Jewish/Muslim controversy broke out in my backyard (Frederick News Post, August 18, 2006 – “Local Muslim Leader Talks Peace”).

As the newly elected, local president of a national Jewish women’s social action organization, I was thrust into the eye of the storm. With no advantageous place to run, I, thus, became a central participant in the drama that unfolded.

Because I am also a psychotherapist (retired), turned community development consultant and social activist, I had the skills and experience needed to resolve this volatile community crisis. By observing what was occurring systemically, I strategically assessed the situation – and -- figured out the proper steps to take. They worked superbly!

With the help of my volunteer corp – and – one single Jewish leader, we were successful. At least, temporarily -- and -- superficially.

However, because this was one of my very first significant community experiences; returning, as I was, to the mainstream after an eight year sabbatical due to my being blind for five years (1998 – 2003) -- and -- recovering from the ordeal for another three years (2003 – 2006), I was particularly vulnerable to the hostilities I saw all around me. And, though I paid a heavy price for my part in the drama, I was greatly transformed by it.

As I search my heart and mind, now, to, publicly, tell my version of the story of this “Middle East Crisis In My Backyard,” my heart is heavy, particularly at this time of the Jewish New Year. I want to tell my story with love and compassion. I will do my best. But this does not come easily to me. The circumstances, as I viewed them, hurt my heart, deeply – and -- called up a lurking shame in me of being Jewish.

Perhaps I expect too much of myself with this, love and compassion, as one of my major goals. Perhaps, given the present state of American Jewry, the controversies presently ravaging the United States in terms of Jewish/Muslim relations in our country and the Middle East, I can only weigh in with an attempt at balance for now.

The balance I seek between the best of my heartfelt desires – and – my very human instincts that hinder my attempts at complete clarity and compassion.

Nonetheless, here is my story – to be posted in bits and pieces on this blog. Hopefully what I am offering will serve all who read it to come closer to one another in peace.

Originally, I wrote this story out in 2007 and 2008. At that time I was telling it, pretty much, as I saw it as a consultant and experienced it as president of the women’s organization. I hadn’t, yet, come to the core of the matter in my heart, however. I hope I can get to more of it here with the informality that blogging offers.

The draft as I completed it in 2008 caused outrage in the local Jewish community. As a result – after much conversation (particularly with Sue), contemplation and negotiation with members of the board of the local, Jewish women’s organization, I promised to keep it quiet for a time.

That time of silence is now past.

There is much that can be learned from what occurred here in terms of modern Jews in America, their relationships with Muslims, the greater community surrounding them – and – with one another. Much that is needed at this critical time in America.

For now, this is my best effort to tell the truth of what I saw; as a key participant in the unfolding drama, as a professional with many years of experience in conflict resolution, as a woman who paid a dear price for my actions – and – now as a former anti-Semitic, recovering Jewish American Princess who must speak her mind.

With conviction in my heart for the well-known Jewish pledge, “Never again!”

I am, after all, "only one, but still I am one."

Dayenu -- it has to be enough.