Women Managing Their Anger, Pain (And Fear) In The Face Of Male Resistance

I had an amazing experience last Saturday “trying” to do my Anastasia The Storyteller Radio show titled, Women Managing Their Anger, Pain (And Fear) In The Face Of Male Resistance. 

I can't even describe the situation yet, in anyway that would not: 1. Exhaust me in the telling; and 2. Summarize the chaos that occurred, without boring you with too many details. 

At best it was a complete comedy of mishaps. The experience was so stressful I have not  recovered enough to be able to truly see the humor.

Nonetheless, I strongly recommend that you listen to that show, all the way to end, especially, if you are at all interested in my pending Ethics Complaint, a little curious about not only that one situation for me of male sexual harassment and power-over abuse, but also the story of the man I married, with a happy outcome of another sexual abuse, power-over circumstance.

(For stories on the unfolding drama of my Ethics Complaint, click here. Ethics Complaint stories are interspersed with others on the topic of Beyond Gender Tyranny.)

On my end, I can tell you this – in spite of the obstacles I was running into, even getting myself into that show last Saturday, I felt compelled to do that show, almost no matter what!

Fortunately, as luck would have it, I did make it to get on the air with only a thirty minute delay, during which time the show was being recorded for podcast and I was saying nothing at all, as I did not even realize I had gotten into my studio!

This segment I later deleted, for the good of all, replacing it with the show now available on podcast.  What a chaos!

Must have been Goddess-zilla who saw me through the ordeal! 

She knows how to use woman warrior, fire energy for the good. That’s why I love and respect her so much!

Only one other show surpasses this one in terms of its calamity quotient; the one where I had a birthday party on the air. Ha Ha. You can listen to that one on podcast here.

Last week’s show was a treasure for me, however. I wrote about the experience, as I began integrating it on Sunday morning, after the broadcast. Little did I know, then, just how far the booty I had generated for myself, by doing that show, with my persistence would carry me.

Not long after, on Monday, based on the outpouring flowing through me, I next wrote an article for New Horizons Small “Zones Of Peace” Project, titled the same as my radio show and, also, this article – “Women Managing Their Anger, Pain (And Fear) In The Face Of Male Resistance”

Check the article and the radio show out! The show is filled with all kinds of juicy suggestions having to do with what I had expressed on another, recent show; the issue of “How Are We Going To Move Ourselves Through The #Metoo Era.” The Small "Zones of Peace" article offers even more, by way of guidance and suggestions for navigating the choppy waters we are now sailing in.

If all that wasn’t enough, the passionate creativity that had been unleashed in me, with my Goddess-zilla alter ego, assisting me, led me next to post that same “Zones of Peace” article on another blog site I often write for, with a different title, "If War Is Not The Answer, What Is?." 

Same article, different audience, different title!

My goodness Goddess-zilla had me fired up!

Out of all of this, I think I am, at last, maybe, finding the words to express what is deepest in me, offered through the many wonderful programs, projects and blog posts you can read about on the New Horizons Small “Zones of Peace” Project site.  And, joy of all joys, finally beginning to find ways to tie these back into the real meat of everything New Horizons and I do, the theoretical and philosophical underpinnings of all we do. (For this angle, we are only just beginning! What lies ahead is truly scrumptious, if you take the time and do the work of connecting the dots!)

A healthy Goddess-zilla will do this for a woman!  Bring woman power to its highest levels! Yum!

Here are a few of my personal philosophies, that can presently sum up what my mind – and – heart are seeing as the collection of gifts New Horizons and myself have for you --

• Beyond Gender Tyranny, as a movement, encompasses the best of New Horizons and myself, embodied in the belief that “war is not the answer,” in the battle of the sexes;
• There are many other roads to travel that sell out no one – man, woman or child, in the battle of the sexes -- headed always for the Mountain of Awe and its signature -- win-win outcomes, the only way to go;
• New Horizons and Anastasia might possibly just be your best guide through the the underbrush covering the terrain we call moving “Beyond Gender Tyranny;"
• Also see my Exploring Your Dark Side: The Adventure Of A Lifetime blog site, where the meat of this all is offered.

So check out what we have to offer and keep on reading what I write and listening in to what I have to say on my new #Metoo oriented series on Anastasia The Storyteller.

For my next show, scheduled for Saturday, May 5, 11:30 a.m., I am presently describing that forthcoming broadcast as follows --

If War Is Not The Answer, Beyond Gender Tyranny, What Is?

"Anastasia continues to build one show segment, after the other, on her new #Metoo Series of programs. This next show, having its foundations in her last two broadcasts; "No Not Me:" The #Me too Movement And The Issue Of Male Resistance" and "Woman Managing Their Anger, Pain (And Fear) In The Face Of Male Resistance," now takes the issue of "How Are We Going To Move Through The #Metoo Era?" down ever more deeply into the core of the problem solving needed."

With more than forty-five years of experience successfully healing the issues now at the fore, we know how! 

However, the effort is only as strong as its weakest link! Don't be IT!

Contact Anastasia for Beyond Gender Tyranny/#Metoo guidance at:
mountainwomanrj@aol.com

Ethics Complaint Update: Anastasia’s Alter Ego, Goddess-Zilla Returns

“I am woman hear me roar!”  

The anger phase of my liberation from the “cost of (being) quiet" has turned now into empowering me to push through whatever glass ceiling tiles might be in the way of my being at my fullest, most complete best! Right here! Right now!

Anastasia's Alter Ego
In Warrior Garb

Here I come world!  Watch out! 

But gentle, loving and compassionate as I am – and forgiving, let’s see how it goes.

Anastasia The Storyteller is now ready to take her show on the road!

Want to hear my story? 

The real nuts and bolts, the down and dirty of my having been foiled one last time by the oppression of male ego?

Find out how this next saga turns out!

I did not realize until my waking this morning that my Anastasia The Storyteller Radio Show yesterday, not only provided me an opportunity to teach some of the gems I’ve been storing up to share with my devoted readers and listeners –

But additionally gave me one of the platforms I need to celebrate my next phase of “She who rises again” – the meaning of my name, Anastasia by doing one of the things I am best at – 

Storytelling!

Now I know, after managing a slew of tech difficulties but still getting myself on the air, that from here forth on my new Anastasia The Storyteller Radio series, devoted to #Metoo issues and discussions – the story of my “Ethics Complaint” and my one other situation of sexual abuse – another real drama but this one with a happy ending -- are going to come into play as I, not only tell my story, but also give forth the abundant personal and professional wisdom I’ve accrued in my many decades of living life to its fullest.

Want to be enlightened on "How we are going to move ourselves through the #Metoo era," listen to my podcasts, if you haven’t done so yet. This is the most recent --

"Women Managing Their Pain And Anger 

In The Face Of Male Resistance"

Then, keep reading and tuning in. And thank you for your kind support!

Now I am off to hike my mountain road, work up a sweat and put to good use all the fire energy bubbling up inside of me!

The sun is shining. The days are finally warming up. 

Who knows what will come next? 

Whatever it is, ought to be interesting!

Ethics Complaint Update: Anastasia Shares Her “Process” On Live Broadcast --

-- along with insights and strategies for other women (and men) dealing with sexual harassment and power abuse situations.

Hear the broadcast on podcast on --

"Women Managing Their Pain And Anger 

In The Face Of Male Resistance"

Ethics Complaint Update: Content Versus Process

My Ethics Complaint documentation is all but complete, save for finishing touches I will put together in the next few weeks, before I submit it. 

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of this week carried me over the gap that was to be my end of finishing up unfinished business. I was drained by the undertaking, yet uplifted by it too, particularly that I had managed to complete what I had set out to do, four months earlier. And without the obstacles defeating me that had unsettled me previously.

Then, as the effort to produce my main piece, the timeline, detailing my sexual harassment and power abuse situation, as I lived it, receded, I began to stand back from the content I had so carefully laid out – and – begin reflecting. 

I was seeking to reach a level beyond the intellectual process of preparing that which the Ethics Committee demanded, intent now on raising myself up to the emotional plane of consciousness, knowing this needed to be my next step in my endeavor to ascend beyond the mundane particulars that had been binding me to the project.

As the descent into my body, my senses and emotions got underway I realized, almost instantly, the alchemical dynamic of turning lead into gold taking hold in me that I have come to anticipate. 

For this clarity I have reverence; almost awe, especially when I realize that it is two maps, in particular, that I have had to guide my life’s journey; that of my first mentor, beyond my father, Dr. Martin Groder, my psychiatrist mentor, and then, later, Murat Yagan, my Beloved spiritual teacher and New Horizons’ community development adviser, that have brought me here.

Free to be me and soar!

Without fail, I can rely upon these maps to take me out of the depths of any darkness within which I might find myself up to the heights of a consciousness that, once reached, alters my perception to such a degree that I am transformed, emotionally, spiritually and, sometimes, even physically.

The directions, when followed, are that fail safe!

Oh how I wish I could be healer enough to restore my damaged eyesight with this adeptness of mine, based on a series of maps I have treasured, now, for close to forty years!

Lucky me!

And, if I could pass them on – and – the wisdom they embody, so much the better!

On the simplest level, I am watching the movement, inside myself, of my moving through anger and resentment, its close cousin, down into layers of grief, as I reflect with new insight, upon all that is the saga of this Ethics Complaint as I've lived it. And the related losses by what is now revealed?

For this I must open my eyes and my mind to seeing what I did not see in the past. 
I am likely, as usual, to come through this with a more refined Self. But I might like the gain to have a bit less pain.

Nonetheless, that’s what alchemy is about, right?

How blind I was to how I was being manipulated and seduced into relying on someone who, by virtue of credentials, years of experience and seeming respect by other members of my professional association, did not likely ever have my best interest at heart, only his own!

In the immediate present, I am seeing how very naïve I was! 

Had it not been for Harvey Weinstein, the Hollywood scandals and the outpouring of collective voices that became the  follow through of the #Metoo movement, I would not even have realized this all these many years later.

So unknowing was I that I ended up being a pawn to be used in some other person’s quest for grandeur. Just at the time I thought I was being supported and encouraged to be at my best. And to excel at what I was devoting myself to learning at the time through that other person.

I am somewhat saddened by the unexpected turn of events, as one might expect. 

Yet enlightened and liberated, both of which bring me great joy!

Contemplation and a whole new set of lessons to learn is where I sit, along with a burst of energy that has me wanting to do sit ups, of all things!

Ethics Complaint Update: Documentation Completed Yesterday

BRAVO!!!

Yesterday I completed preparation of the documentation for my Ethics Complaint.

I still need to review what I have written with my support circle, do editing, review again, after I get feedback on what I've written and compiled, make copies and write a cover letter. 

Then ready to go!

I should be ready with my completed package and will likely submit the official documentation sometime in early May.

In the meantime – now that the centerpiece of the complaint, my timeline of twenty plus pages, is completed,  I am beginning to move more and more out of the intellectual stuff the Ethics Committee expected and explore my emotions and related perspectives, as they are laid out in the timeline. 

This portion of my formal complaint details the situation in its entirety, from start to finish as I lived it, along with my supporting archival papers about what I am dealing with here.

Guess what is coming up next, now that I have reached this point?

Anger and grief at how I was used as a pawn for one man’s ego gratifications, at my expense.

More heavy lifting!

Please send prayers and good wishes.

One thing I am wishing for, now, is that some of the important men in my life would take the time to read my documentation, talk to me about what I’ve written and support me through this that lies ahead for me.

I don’t know if I will get this. I’ve asked a few of the men I trust to genuinely care about me. 

But I don’t know if they have it in them to come forth. Men, as we women expected and now have substantiated aren’t readily up for talking about #Metoo stuff. 

The Beyond Gender Tyranny study of male #Metoo attitudes that New Horizons is now embarking upon is certainly showing us that!

I’ll let you know how it goes this week, for me, personally.

In the meantime, try joining me for my next upcoming radio show on --

Anastasia The Storyteller Radio. 

This coming Saturday, April 21 at 11:30 a.m.

My topic will be –

“Women Managing Their Anger and Pain 

In The Face Of Male Resistance”

I may be ready by then to get a bit more personal than sometimes and share some of what I am experiencing, as I now move forward into the official filing of my complaint.

Fun, eh?

Ethics Complaint Update: Finding Personal Freedom By “Seeing” What I See And Saying What I See

I am now into the fourth month of dealing with my Ethics Complaint and pleased to say that the documentation I need to provide in order for the process to move forward is almost complete!

I expect to finish the timeline that lays out the circumstances of the complaint sometime around the end of the month, with the supporting documentation and a cover letter I will enclose, all in good order, by May 15.

Then off the package goes; a testament to the fact that in the area of my life, related to this complaint, I have freed myself to speak of the darkness I saw and do it without fear or lack of confidence. (See "the losers paradigm" here.)

Bravo! True liberation lies here! 

In the meantime, the growing clarity I have about many things heightens each day. 

Even when I get overloaded and in need of fortification from my trusting inner circle of Sistahs, as I do routinely!  

Indeed an ethics complaint is not an ordeal to pursue solely on one’s own.

To what end that package will take me is anybody’s guess. 

However, for my part, I am doing all I can to encourage the outcome I have in mind; truth, reconciliation and healing! 

Having found my way around the inhumane demands of the Ethics Committee, as I have perceived it, to my satisfaction I am looking forward to what will happen next.

So, no matter what the Ethics Committee does on its end, I believe I am prepared for a fine outcome for me, based, not on them, but on how I am managing the situation and handling myself, internally and outwardly.

It all ought to be quite interesting. Of course I will keep my readers updated, as best I can.

Did I mention that no more than a week after finding the hidden documents, unearthing evidence of sexual intrusion by one of my TA trainers into what should have been a space protected by our teacher-student relationship, I had another major eye crisis?

Perhaps I did speak of it here on my blog site, but not in much detail. I am still rather new at speaking out about my private life in depth. So perhaps I did go light on some of what I discovered. Nor did I reveal much about my eye crisis.

Who could experience such as these and then, in an instant, know how to articulate what has occurred, with anything more than cursory acknowledgement? 

Both of these episodes; finding the long buried information regarding sexual harassment by a once-trusted mentor and then going blind, almost immediately after the discovery, are far too dramatic and traumatic to experience, integrate and heal from one in a fell swoop.

In any event the short version is that the episode left me blind, again, in my right eye. 

This time apparently permanently!

You know this is no small thing, right?  The ethics issue alone would not have been small.

Nonetheless, taking giant steps as I am these days, I think I am getting ready to speak of what I know about the connection, for me, of blindness episodes and trauma, but not just yet, not today. 

When I do share this side of what’s been going on in the last little while, for me, I am hoping you will take inspiration from my tale to help empower you to move through challenging obstacles, no matter how difficult, if you are presently facing any.  A person's sharing, with the hopes of surmounting one’s travails, by helping others is such a reward for the difficulties. We know, at such times, we are all in this life together, at least, those of us aiming for our highest human values.

Meanwhile back to my Ethics Complaint…

Putting the downside of recent revelations to the side, the good news is that I am, now, daily, seeing many things about myself, others and the world around me with expanded clarity; an enhanced view of things that is making my life more beautiful, like the blossoming weeping cherry tree outside my office window, as I write this now.

Also I am speaking up and out more and more about what I see and think about certain things that I, apparently, had been holding back. I am also involving myself in new activities that will, hopefully, allow me even greater expression in the coming days, weeks, months and even years.

This is so good! This is me finding new freedom, inside of me and all around!

Already events are beginning to occur that show me that this unfolding in my life has bright potentials. Sometimes I want all the potentialities to activate themselves right away, as I think I have been holding myself back from opportunities and I don’t want to do that anymore. But I was not yet ready for them.

Now I am; sometimes almost chomping at the bit to get into the next one!

This is the personal freedom I am finding by “seeing” what I see and saying what I see!

Keep sending your best wishes to me. I truly thrive on them.

With many thanks.

Anastasia