“I feel the earth move under my feet.” (Carole King)
I feel the fire in the earth’s belly move up through these
feet into the heaven above.
I am fighting my way back from a tumble; another
blindness-threatening, eye infection crisis. Just when I had, recently, hit the
ground running, recapturing the best parts of my childhood innocence, joy and delight in all life’s greatest possibilities.
Once again I felt like Humpty Dumpty who had a great fall.
I had determined that the prophecy that had guided my life’s
journey for forty years was now nearing its most complete manifestation.
I had come to trust my visionary capabilities. I had learned
to have faith in my abilities to see, somehow more deeply, more broadly, more
completely what others might not be seeing at all, in certain areas.
Then, at almost the very moment when all indicators seemed
set to affirm my readings of future outcomes assured, I took a tumble.
Shaking my head at the quake I found myself lost, surprised,
stunned and unnerved; my world rocked. Once again the remnants of my “Chicken
Little Syndrome’ script awakened.
My fate, according to that script, was that, for me, the sky
would always fall right on my head just at the moment of my intended greatest
glory. I could not win!
For a day or two, as I simultaneously began to hope that my
recent eye infection crisis would not, again, end in blindness, I felt crushed,
decimated.
So I did what felt most natural. I took time off from
ordinary life’s happenings, slept late, got up only to move myself to my couch
with a good book to help me pass the hours. I ate lightly, sometimes not at
all. Eating was just too much trouble.
Surprise, delight, I was renewed by doing nothing at all.
Thus it began to dawn on me that I’d had
quite enough of giving up; enough to begin reaching out to regain my Marjah.
(Marjah is the word our Beloved community development mentor, Murat Yagan, taught us to mean the God within, according to
his native Abkhazian traditions.)
Letting nature have its way with me, as all good warriors
must do from time to time, if they are to endure for the whole of the campaign, I had slowly regained my strength. Feeling the Power within me surge forth, I was ready
to, once again, do battle, if need be, to live out the intention of my life’s
mission as I have interpreted it.
Maybe I will find out, in the end, that I got the Divine
messages as I have been reading them all wrong. On the other hand, maybe I do read
them right. Or, alternatively, some right and some wrong. After all when we try
to interpret the mysteries of Life we are still operating in the realm of
mystery. We can never know what the run of the show will bring until the final
act has been played.
But for now, I am back in the game, once again with my
wonderful Inner Warrior Hero, my Divine Inner Goddess. intentionally guiding the
power within me on the course that feels most fit for me, reaching out to draw
into me the power beyond.
She’s an Amazon-type goddess, this Inner Warrior Hero/Divine
Inner Goodess in me; strong and focused, passionate and wise, gentle, radiant
and serene. I call her Goddess-zilla.
May your Inner Warrior Hero guide you, too, always on the
path of the Highest Good as you best determine it for yourself!
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